5 Infamous Presidential Insults

“Your butt stinks, and you have wooden teeth.” -Aaron Burr to George Washington, during a 1792 presidential debate. This past week, after being repeatedly called “short” and “tiny,” republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio insinuated that because fellow GOP candidate Donald Trump has small hands, he probably also has a small penis. In last night’s presidential debate, which aired live on FOX News, Donald Trump declared to the country in his opening statement that his penis was of at least average size, and that there are “no problems at all down there.” While voters, viewers, and reporters continue to be shocked… (read more)

RobOHara2 Comments

Star Wednesday: The Empire Strikes Back Lunchbox

What better way to publicly pledge your allegiance to the Empire as a kid in the 1980s than by carrying a Star Wars brand lunchbox to and from school every day? Sure, other kids might have Star Wars toys at home, but with a Star Wars lunchbox, you could represent Star Wars all day! The lunchbox you see above is the one I carried to school for a couple of years in the early 1980s. The picture shows our four heroes (Chewbacca, Han Solo, Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker) standing on Hoth with their guns drawn and pointed toward the… (read more)

RobOHara1 Comment

Onions, Ogres, and Novels have Layers

Shortly after the two of them first meet, Shrek tries explaining to Donkey that ogres, like onions, have layers. Novels have layers, too. As I mentioned the other day, I’ve been writing some of my scenes in almost a short hand style of writing. Something like: Skip pours a drink. Monica stares at the sea. Skip does something. Monica throws her glass out into the ocean. Usually this happens when either (a) I’m tired, (b) I’m not really in the mood to be writing, or (c) I’m writing an action scene, and my fingers can’t keep up with my brain.… (read more)

RobOHara

The Worst Cold Ever

The older I get the more it seems like every cold I catch is the worst cold I’ve ever had. I started feeling like crap last Thursday, just run down and irritable. By Friday evening, I felt like I had “medicine head” (Susan’s term), except I wasn’t taking any. On Saturday, my dad came over to visit from 9am-11am, and that was the longest I was awake all day. I slept off and on throughout the day, falling asleep while watching television and even writing at my desk. Susan swears she didn’t give me nighttime cough medicine, but that’s what… (read more)

RobOHara

The Worst Part About Writing

One on the (hundreds of) things other kids made fun of me about was how much I enjoyed doing homework, specifically writing assignments. I loved reading books and writing book reports. I looked forward to writing essays almost as much as going out on the playground. That being said, let me tell you what the worst part about being a writer is.

RobOHara2 Comments

Super Ear

One of my dreams as a kid was to grow up and become a spy. In my 20s, I began purchasing and acquiring spy-related devices. (Years later, I went as far as to enroll in a Private Investigator course at my local vo-tech.) Before long I hand a held radio scanner to listen to police chatter and cordless phone conversations, a small FM transmitter (a “bug”), a set of auto lock pick tools, a regular set of lock picks, some binoculars, a small telescope, night vision goggles, and this thing — the Super Ear. This exact same device is marketed… (read more)

RobOHara2 Comments

One and Done, Kid

I my mind’s eye I can see his face, but for the life of me, I can’t remember his name. It was tenth grade, back when it was still cool to have sleepovers. I didn’t know at the time that most of my life-long friendships had already been formed, but that didn’t stop me from occasionally meeting new people and trying out new relationships. I met the guy in science class after buying two tapes from him, one cassette (Kiss’s Smashes, Thrashes & Hits) and one VHS (Metallica’s Cliff ‘Em All). A mutual friend of ours told me later the… (read more)

RobOHara1 Comment

Cheating Stinks

I ran across this poster yesterday at school. Based on the picture and the ceramic-tiled wall it was taped you, you can probably guess where I saw it. Specifically I was in the Gaylord building at OU, home to the school’s journalism, mass communications, and professional writing students. I cheated on a writing assignment for school once. I was in third grade. Our teacher gave us a week to write and illustrate a limerick. I struggled for several days to come up with a good one, but came up blank every night. The night before our homework was due, I… (read more)

RobOHara1 Comment

What’s in a Name?

One of the things we’ve learned in class is that character names matter. Imagine two princesses, one named Priscilla and the other, Ivana. Chances are, you didn’t imagine identical twins. George Lucas may be the master of obvious names. The lone smuggler’s last name is Solo, and the alien who shows up to collect money from him is Greedo. One particularly nasty enemy is named General Grevious. Luke comes from the Latin word for light, and may be related to Rey (of light) as well. The overweight X-Wing pilot was named Porkins. You get the idea. Here are the character… (read more)

RobOHara

Reviewing Reviews

A couple of years ago, I fully intended to shut down Review-O-Matic.com. I went as far as to export all 500 reviews from over there, and import them over here in an attempt to “consolidate web stuff.” In retrospect, I never should have done it. It’s two completely different types of content and styles of writing. More isn’t always better, if it’s not a good fit. Also, many of those reviews were written hastily, and do not reflect the quality or style of my current writing. I just finished making sure all of my reviews that were posted here (at… (read more)

RobOHara