I’m writing this on Sunday afternoon. Everybody has already been up and is back in bed. It’s been a long 2 1/2 weeks away from home. Here’s a summary of where we’ve been and what we’ve been up to.

Our vacation began on Thursday, December 17th, when we flew non-stop from Oklahoma City to Los Angeles. After landing we picked up our rental car, drove to the hotel to unload our luggage, and then walked over to El Capitan theater to catch the premiere of Star Wars: The Force Awakens. We got back to our hotel around 1 a.m. (3 a.m. Oklahoma time), although at some point during the trip we would lose track of time zones.

On Friday, December 18th, we got up early to go on the Paramount Studio’s back lot tour. Last year while in California we went on the Warner Bros. tour and we enjoyed it so much that we decided to do another one. After the tour we drove to the port and began the embarking process. The process was a mess. A group of tourists from Canada didn’t bring the proper paperwork and couldn’t leave the ship, which was preventing us from boarding. As we would eventually learn, the entire boarding and unboarding process is a bit of a scheduling nightmare and one minor thing (like this) can screw everything up. Instead of waiting in our reserved area and boarding the ship smoothly, we spent a couple of hours standing around (and later sitting on the hard ground) waiting for things to move. Like many things, these waits were frustrating at the time but seem inconsequential in retrospect.

With all 3,300 passengers finally on board, the Ruby Princess pulled out of port around 6 p.m., headed toward Hawaii. We spent five days on the open sea, travelling roughly twenty miles per hour. There are a million things to do on the ship while you are at sea. There were three trivia games a day (the highlight of Morgan’s day), and just all kinds of things to see and do. We saw a stand up comedian, a juggler/comedian, a magician, karaoke, a Broadway quality musical performance, “The Voice at Sea,” a Beatles’ tribute band, and more. Mason played basketball and mini-golf up on the ship’s 19th deck. Both kids also had “come and go” privileges to their respective clubs — one for kids aged 8-12 and a teen club for passengers ages 13-17. Both clubs had ping-pong and air hockey tables and at least 30 Xboxes. There were a million things we didn’t attend, from speeches and presentations to ukulele and hula lessons.

We also ate, a lot. We ate breakfast at a private restaurant for platinum, elite and suite passengers that served everything from oatmeal and fruit to eggs Benedict with hollandaise sauce and French toast. For lunch, we took turns visiting the buffet, the hamburger and hot dog grill, the pizza station, the sushi bar, and other places. For dinner we either ate at one of those same places or the Da Vinci and Michelangelo dining rooms. One night we ate snacks up at the Skywalker Lounge for dinner. Most of not all of those places would also delivered their goods to your room via room service. It is literally impossible to starve on a cruise ship.

During our cruise to Hawaii we went through another two time zones. Our internal clocks were never quite right.

Then, we arrived at Hawaii. We visited four islands in Hawaii, one per day. On the first day we visited Hilo in Hawaii and went on a tour of the island. On day two, we rented a car in Honolulu (on Oahu) and drove around visiting things. We visited Pearl Harbor, a Macademia Nut farm, the Dole Pineapple Farm, and several other locations. On day three we went snorkeling in Maui. On day four, we took a tour and visited filming locations on Kauai from the port of Nawiliwili. I’ll be writing about those adventures in days to come.

One of those days, I forget which one, was Christmas day.

We left Kauai and headed out for another five days at sea, this time headed for Ensenada, Mexico. We went to more trivia and more shows. We ate more. We played Scattergories in the library. I watched a lot of episodes of The Love Boat in our cabin. We did not get off the boat in Ensenada — it didn’t seem worth the hassle at that point. I watched the OU and OSU games on deck 15 on a 100′ outdoor television screen, near the pool. Susan and I spent some time in the casino, and sitting outside on our deck.

The day before Ensenada was New Year’s Eve. We went to a fancy dinner and a show in formal wear. Everyone was pooped by 11 p.m. and we retreated to our room to watch the ball drop in Times Square on our TV.

On the last day of our trip we disembarked after eating breakfast on the ship and waiting around. Embarking and disembarking is a trial of patience and waiting. We went from the port to the airport and due to a change in flight plans ended up waiting there 8 hours for our plane to arrive. It did, and we flew home, arriving in Oklahoma just after midnight and eating dinner at 1:30 a.m. at Taco Bell.

I’m sure I’ll be writing a lot about this trip over the next couple of weeks, but that’s a basic overview. Two and a half weeks on a cruise ship is a long time. We had a great time and are glad to be home!

Sunday afternoon, Mason and Morgan went outside to play around 5:30 p.m. The sun was still out, it wasn’t too windy, birds were chirping… good times, all around. When the two of them decided to play basketball, Morgan set her phone down on the bumper of Susan’s car. A few minutes later, now dusk, Susan left to go pick up stuff for dinner. Five to ten minutes later, Morgan remembered her phone was still sitting on Susan’s bumper, and panic ensued.

By the time I was drawn into this, it was dark. The kids and I retraced Susan’s path through the neighborhood. I drove, while the kids hung out the truck’s windows with flashlights in hand, scouring the road’s shoulder for any sign of the phone. We found nothing. Susan’s path led from the neighborhood out to Northwest Expressway. My thinking was if the phone was still in the neighborhood there was a good chance of finding it. If it had fallen off between the neighborhood and the expressway, we still had a fair chance. And if it had made it all the way to the expressway, it was probably gone for good.

On Monday, with aid from sunlight, I drove the path a few more times after dropping the kids off for school. During my lunch break, I walked the length of the neighborhood. I saw lots of beer bottles and black pieces of plastic, but nothing resembling Morgan’s phone. We also tried calling the phone multiple times, but it was going directly to voicemail despite the fact that Morgan swore it had 50% battery and was on when she set it down.

After school, Mason and I drove the entire route. Each time we saw something on the side of the road Mason hopped out to investigate.

When we got home, Mason fired up “Find My iPhone,” an app that will help you locate your lost phone, and sure enough, a blip appeared on its radar. The phone was showing up just south of 23rd and NE Bryant, almost 30 miles away.

By this time Mason had remotely locked his sister’s phone and placed a message on the home screen with our contact information. We had also texted and called the phone multiple times. Someone had the phone turned on but was ignoring us.

After contacting the local police department we were instructed to go to a public location near the phone (a gas station, etc.) and call the police department back. An officer would be dispatched and we would all go retrieve the phone together. Things were looking up! Mason and I hopped in the truck and drove over to a funeral home at NE 36th and Bryant. In retrospect, perhaps the funeral home was an omen.

By the time the officer arrived the phone had moved positions. It was floating up and down NE Bryant, and the officer told us that unless the phone was in one place he really couldn’t help us. He also explained that the Find My iPhone feature is only accurate to 900 meters. I have to disagree with him on this one — after looking up my own iPad and iPhone, I can tell not only that they are inside my house, but which one is in the living room and which one is in the bedroom. Regardless, he told us there wasn’t anything he could do, which would have been good information to have before we drove half an hour to meet him.

Mason and I pinged the phone last time and it returned an address of NE 34th and Bryant. Suddenly the phone went offline. We called it back and it went directly to voice mail. Someone had just turned it off.

With one final attempt at sleuthing Mason and I drove to where the phone was pinging. At exactly NE 34th and Bryant was a crew of 10-15 road construction workers, repairing the road. To the west of that location was an unoccupied neighborhood still under construction, and the houses to the east were too far away for it to be there. Based on where the ping had moved to, it seemed to me like one of the workers probably had the phone on them.

As to how Morgan’s phone made its way from the north side of Yukon to the NE side of Oklahoma City in less than twelve hours, your guess is as good as mine. Monday is garbage pick up day, and my personal opinion is that one of the trash collectors spotted the phone near the side of the road in our neighborhood, picked it up, and kept it. That’s just my made up theory. Maybe the phone made it all the way to the store and someone found it there. Who knows. The one thing we do know is whoever found the phone has no intention of returning it.

The happy ending, if there is one, is that we had the foresight to purchase insurance on Morgan’s phone, which covers (we’ve already called and checked) both loss and theft. Her old phone has been remotely locked and is (as far as I know) in an unusable. Morgan will be getting a free replacement soon and, I can only imagine, will be a little more careful next time where she sets it down.

Last week we pulled in to Fargo, North Dakota without an agenda. From the interstate we spied the Space Aliens Grill and Bar, which made a fine dinner destination.

The Space Aliens Grill and Bar is located next door to the Fargo, North Dakota visitor center, home of the infamous wood chipper from the movie Fargo.

There are only so many pictures one can take with a wood chipper, a fake leg and a couple of silly hats. Once we had exhausted the possible combinations, we set out to see the Ronald Reagan Minuteman Missile Site.

The Ronald Reagan Minuteman Missile Site is located approximately 90 minutes northwest of Fargo. The drive is long and boring. North Dakota is the 3rd least populous and 4th least densely populated state. During the drive you’ll wonder how they ranked that high.

The first of two sites you’ll come to is the November-33 launch facility.

November-33 was an underground missile silo home to a Minuteman II missile, a nuclear ICBM (intercontinental ballistic missile). These were the missiles we had pointed at Russia throughout the cold war. Had the order to launch these missiles been given, the large concrete slab you see above would have been blasted away and the missile, suspended by wires, would have launched directly from the silo. If that had happened chances are there were nuclear missiles headed our way as well, so taking pictures would have been a moot point. There wouldn’t have been anyone to share them with shortly.

While November-33 is historically interesting, there’s not a lot to see here. Years ago the missiles were removed, explosives were detonated inside the silos, and they were filled with concrete.

Another fifteen minutes down the road from November-33 is the much more interesting Oscar-Zero Missile Alert Facility.

Oscar-Zero is “the last launch control center intact for the public to visit,” according to Wikipedia.

Above ground, the building is approximately 2,000 square foot. It looks like what you would expect. There’s a rec room, a cafeteria, and sleeping quarters.

Things didn’t really start get interesting until we reached the above ground security room.

At one point not long ago, this room was staffed by guards with the authority to shoot on sight. Not only did these guys protect the local facilities, but they also responded to disturbances at the remote missile launch sites. Sometimes something as small and innocent as a leaf would set off the motion detectors at the launch sites, forcing one of the guards here to go check it out.

These guys also guarded the elevator to the underground bunker, which is where we went next.

The first of two rooms we visited was filled with equipment to keep the base running — generators, air filters, and other pieces of equipment.

Both rooms were guarded by incredibly thick blast doors. Everything in the room was mounted to a floating floor designed to keep things level no matter what was going on above ground, and the entire bunker was sealed in feet of concrete. This thing was designed to take a direct nuclear strike and survive.

The second room we visited gave me chills.

If you’ve seen Wargames or any number of other movies, you know what this is. This is the desk where the officers sat for days at a time, waiting for the command to start World War III. On the upper left part of the picture you can see the red lock box that contained the secure launch codes. On the bottom right is the key. Just around the corner from this station was a second station. Turning both keys at the same time would have started a non-reversible launch sequence.

In 1991, the START agreement (Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty) limited the number of nuclear weapons both the United States and the Soviet Union could retain. Because of this agreement, the 321st Wing at Grand Forks Air Force Base was closed. The missiles were removed and the silos were destroyed and filled with concrete. The Oscar-Zero Missile Alert Facility was spared demolition and preserved as a historic site. It was added to the National Register of Historic Places in 2007 and opened for tours in 2009.

After almost 2,900 miles behind us over the past week, I was able to add Iowa, North Dakota, and Wisconsin to the states I’ve seen. For those keeping track, that makes 49 of the 50 states (we’re doing Hawaii later this year). I’ll be posting some pictures and stories of some of the more interesting things we saw over the next few days, but if you want a sneak peek at a few pictures check out my List of States I’ve visited. Along with the ones I already mentioned, I also added updates to Kansas and Minnesota.

Great to see new places, great to be home.

While in Denver last week, the O’Haras and the Martins went on a gold panning adventure in the Phoenix Gold Mine located in Idaho Springs, Colorado.

The day began by feeding chipmunks at the entrance of the mine. Pans of seeds were provided. If you don’t like chipmunks crawling on you, don’t pick up a pan of seed. They are not shy.

After a brief set of instructions, we were turned loose to go gold panning in the creek that runs down from the mountain. Jeff’s family had their own panning bowls while Susan and the kids used the metal pie plates provided by the mine. Susan wasted no time in scooping up some of the creek’s dirt and sifting through it.

The creek definitely contains gold, just not enough for the owners to mine (they’ve moved on to the next mountain). If you’re patient and lucky enough, you’ll start to find little gold flakes down in the bottom of your pan. Talon (Jeff’s son) found a few flakes in his first pan’s worth of pay dirt.

For a couple of hours, everybody panned away. Mason ended up finding a nugget roughly the size of a BB. Morgan found a few flakes but lost interest fairly quickly. Susan brought home a jug full of dirt and has been sorting through it at the dinner table, looking for more gold.

Tucked away in the heart of Austin, Texas is the Museum of the Weird. Susan found this museum while searching for things to do in Austin and I’m so glad she did. While it’s a little rough around the edges, it is definitely worth stopping by if you like weird things.

The Museum of the Weird is divided into three parts. The first part is a self-guided tour through a collection of oddities. The second portion of the tour is a sideshow performance. The final portion, if you pay extra for it (more on that later), is a viewing of the original Minnesota Iceman.

The first section of the museum, the self-guided tour, has lots of real and not-so-real items on display. By real, I mean things like a stuffed two-faced calf…

…and by not real I mean things like this fur-bearing trout.

(The fur-bearing trout was of particular interest to me as that is one of the cryptids featured prominently in Robb Shewwin’s game Cryptozookeeper!)

This portion of the museum is very small. If you were to read every placard on every item it might take you ten minutes. If you are into weird things then you will love this stuff. There’s a “real” (?) skeleton, some wax dummies, and a few movie props to look at while you’re here.

At this point we experienced a bit of a traffic jam. Apparently we showed up right as the sideshow performers were changing shifts, which left us stuck in the first part of the museum for roughly 20 minutes. In that amount of time you can see everything in the museum roughly five times. Unfortunately because the space is so small, as other people began entering the museum we were literally trapped and had to stand shoulder-to-shoulder until we were eventually met by our tour guide and escorted to the next portion of the tour.

After leaving the museum we were led past a big monitor lizard (so lethargic that we were never quite sure if it was alive or not), past a small apartment where Johnny Depp stayed while filming What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, and into the sideshow performance room. While waiting for the performance to begin, we were encouraged to take pictures with the props placed around the room.

Next, our tour guide took the stage and began talking about sideshow performances. He mentioned the “blockhead” trick which instantly perked my ears as I know exactly what that is. Based on the first part of the tour I was not sure whether to expect a real performance or a trick, but sure enough, within a few minutes the performer (Eric) had pulled out a hammer and a six inch penny nail and proceeded to hammer it up his nostril directly into his sinus cavity!

Once he was done with that he asked for a volunteer from the audience to help him remove it. I’ll give you three guesses as to who ended up on stage…

After giving her some specific instructions (mainly, “don’t wiggle the nail”), Morgan pulled the nail straight out of Eric’s face.

“You might think that’s brains on that nail, but it’s not (snot),” he said. The kids loved that joke.

Over a span of ten minutes Eric hammered a nail up his nose, stuck his hand into a fox trap, attempted to lift a concrete block with his beard (the rubber bands snapped), and finished the show by allowing an audience member to staple a tip to his chest using a staple gun. Did we get our money’s worth or what?

After Eric’s performance ended we were led back down the stairs and into a another room which held THE MINNESOTA ICEMAN. (Cue music.)

I remember reading about the Minnesota Iceman when I was a kid. According to the legend, a hunter accidentally shot and killed what appeared to be… well, an iceman. And it ended up in Minnesota. (Keep up with me here.) The Minnesota Iceman was encased in ice and displayed at carnivals and sideshows across the country for many decades. At one point the FBI examined it due to concerns that a real human being might be encased in the ice but they determined it to not be real. If you’re into cryptids and Bigfoot and tales about such things, the Minnesota Iceman was semi-legendary.

In 2013, the Iceman was sold on eBay. It was purchased by the Museum of the Weird. It was featured on an episode of Shipping Wars, where the Iceman was shipped from Minnesota to Austin, Texas.

The Museum of the Weird does not allow photos to be taken of the Iceman, although a quick Google search turns up thousands to choose from. Compared to older pictures of the Iceman, the ice he is encased in now is much cloudier, making the iceman’s features much more difficult to see. There are pictures online of the Iceman when he was thawed out a few years ago, if you really want to see the details.

To this day people argue whether or not the Minnesota Iceman is “real” or not. To me, that’s not the point. This is the actual box that was toted around the country for decades that people paid money to see. I read about it in books when I was a kid. Seeing the actual signs that were displayed along with the Iceman was super exciting for me.

This is a picture of the Minnesota Iceman that I found on the internet. The ice was nowhere near this clear when we saw it.

Our trip to the museum got off to a rocky start in regards to the admission price. While the website says admission is $8 for adults and $5 for kids, we didn’t read the fine print. It was actually $12 for adults and $9 for kids if you wanted to see the Iceman. We also learned that our kids, ages 9 and 12, are actually adults (the kid prices only apply to children under 8). So, we showed up expecting to spend $26 on and ended up spending $48. To be honest, we were going to let the kids buy souvenirs and we ended up not letting them to balance out the price.

I’ve already had one person ask me if I thought the Museum of the Weird was kid appropriate. My answer would be, “it depends on your kids.” My kids love scary stuff and were fine with all the horror movie props, the sideshow performance, and and the Minnesota Iceman. Know that our sideshow performer let someone from the audience staple a $20 bill to his chest with a staple gun, and it bled. It’s not a place for everybody; I suspect you’ll know if it’s a place for you and yours to visit.

If you’re the type of kid who used to watch (or read) Ripley’s Believe it or Not, stay up late reading horror comic books under the covers with a flashlight, or paid a dollar at the fair to see the “Man Eating Chicken,” then run (don’t walk) to the Museum of the Weird in Austin, Texas. If the thought of seeing a cyclops pig in a jar of formaldehyde or watching a guy stick his hand into a fox trap, this might not be the vacation destination for you.

If there’s one thing to know about Susan it’s that when she decides to do something, she does it. Whether it’s going back to college or learning photography or tackling a project at work, whatever she chooses to do, she does.

Last month Susan set a goal of raising $1,500 in donations for the Girl Scouts. The money went toward purchasing a tornado shelter for one of the local Girl Scout Camps. Earlier this month Susan organized a garage sale and between that and some donations from friends and family, she met her goal.

Everyone who met this goal was offered the opportunity to rappel down One Leadership Square in Oklahoma City this past weekend. Standing 22 stories and 308 feet tall, One Leadership Square is the 10th tallest building in Oklahoma.

Last Saturday, my wife went over the side of it while hanging from a rope. Twice.

Susan also volunteered to help out with the ropes, so she got a test run of the system Friday night. She said the system they used was unlike the ones she used back in college and had a ton of added safety features, including an automatic braking system.

Saturday was the “public” rappelling, and both my family and some of Susan’s family came out to watch. Her time slot was 12:30pm so the sun was directly overhead and it was nice and hot by the time she got to drop down, but drop down she did.

After talking with her for a few minutes on the ground it was back to the roof for Susan where she finished volunteering for the rest of the day. The kids, Dad and I hit one of our favorite hot dog spots, Coney Island, before heading back home.

Congrats to Susan on meeting her fundraising goal and for dropping off a perfectly good building!