What follows will surely be the world’s most detailed review of Egg-Tastic, the Ceramic Microwave Egg Cooker (As Seen on TV).

Background: My life was forever changed a few years ago when my wife bestowed the sacred knowledge upon me that scrambled eggs could be cooked in a microwave. I did not know this. I don’t even know how I made it to the age of 41 without knowing this, but somehow I did. And while most (all) people prefer scrambled eggs that have been prepared in a skillet on the stove, cooking them in the microwave has its own allure: it dirties less dishes, and is quicker.

Unfortunately, cooking eggs in a microwave (if not done properly) tends to also cook the eggs right onto the side of the bowl. This can be mitigated to a degree with PAM, but when we’re talking about making breakfast in under two minutes, time counts. This has led to a pile of bowls in the sink with egg fragments the consistency of dried rubber cement attached to them.

Enter Egg-Tastic.

I can’t remember if I’ve actually seen this thing on television before, but I’ve seen it at Dollar General, Walmart, and a few other places. It’s always the same price ($10) and always makes the same bold claims: that it delivers “Fast, Flavorful & Fluffy Eggs Every Time… Right In Your Microwave.”

$10 later, here we are.

The magic, as you can clearly see on one side of the box, is under the lid. This cutaway diagram of the Egg-Tastic scientifically shows, through the use of multiple arrows, that lids keep hot air in. Under the arrows it is explained to us that the Egg-Tastic contains an “exclusive vented lid.” The word “exclusive” implies that this is the only device on the market with a hole in the lid.

Another side of the package shows other great dishes that can be created with the Egg-Tastic, such as poached eggs, scrambled egg whites, and egg sandwiches. These pictures are here to inform you that eggs can be eaten other ways besides right out of the Egg-Tastic with a spoon, which was absolutely my plan. The Egg-Tastic cooks eggs, period; stating that one can eat eggs on a sandwich is a bit redundant. Now that I think about it, you can eat them in a bowl, on a plate, from a shoe, while standing on your head, in a swimming pool, at the park… it really seems limitless, once you think about it. Where does a company draw the line?

I guess they drew it right after “in a bowl,” because there’s a picture of scrambled eggs in a bowl here. Also, either that bowl is tiny, or someone has multiple Egg-Tastics. And microwaves.

With millions of ways to eat eggs (on a horse, in a hotel, in the back of a pickup…) you might be starting to worry that preparing all of these eggs takes a lot of steps. Or even four! But no, there are only three, and they are easy: crack eggs into the Egg-Tastic and mix them up, microwave the eggs, and enjoy the eggs. That third rule seems like more of a suggestion than a rule per se.

It is also good to know that this ceramic egg cooking vessel from Dollar General doesn’t add fat, grease or oil to the eggs. Got it.

Alright, let’s get to it.

(Sound of car brakes screeching here.)

There’s a lot of information on this label that needs to be read and digested before proceeding.

First is a warning telling us to remove the label before use.

Second is a stop sign that warns us to read the instruction manual for cooking times before use.

Third is a URL to EggTasticTips.com for more information and cooking tips.

Finally, the unique serial number is included on this sticker. You might want to write that down in case someone steals your Egg-Tastic and you need to report it to the police for insurance purposes. Also a lot of Egg-Tastics look similar, so if you are put in the position of going down to the police station to identify your stolen property, having this serial number could help you recover this $10 item.

Also after removing the lid you will find three more documents inside Egg-Tastic.

This handy card shows you the approximate cook times of 1-4 eggs in microwaves with three different wattages. I have no idea what the wattage of our microwave is. This card should be kept in a safe location, probably near wherever you are keeping the serial number of your Egg-Tastic.

Next up are your rights as a consumer and user of the Egg-Tastic and an arbitration agreement. The top of the paper (written in all caps, so you can tell it’s really important) lets you know that you are bound to the rules and clauses contained on this piece of paper by keeping the Egg-Tastic for more than 14 days. It goes on to explain all the rules that you must follow if you plan on suing them, and says that you waive your right to sue the company, that you cannot participate in a class action lawsuit against the makers of the Egg-Tastic, and so-on. I would like to know if there is any legal precedence to legal documents shoved in the bottom of ceramic egg cookers.

Before I start thinking too hard about the legal ramifications of a folded up piece of paper, let’s move on to the instructions.

We start off with 12 important safeguards, reminding us that microwaving eggs is no joke. Among other warnings, we are reminded that this ceramic pot, after cooking eggs in the microwave, could become hot. Children should not use Egg-Tastic. The Egg-Tastic should only be used in home microwave ovens. If you should observe sparking, please turn off the microwave and stop using Egg-Tastic.

Next up is a “breakdown of components,” of which there are two: the pot, and the lid. There’s a handy diagram there, in case you were confused as to which part was which. Many people have been seriously burned over the years by using the Egg-Tastic upside-down.

Then there are “cleaning instructions,” which tell you to put the Egg-Tastic in the dishwasher or wash it by hand.

But wait — there’s more!

On the BACK of the page are MORE instructions! Here there are FOUR steps (which contradict the THREE STEPS we were promised on the outside of the box)! It is also reenforced that enjoying your eggs is an actual step and not an option.

At this point the Egg-Tastic has come with more documentation or instructions than any desk I have ever purchased and had to assemble.

Lastly down at the bottom of the page is another copy of the cooking guide and the URL to Egg-Tastic’s website. More on that momentarily.

So let’s cook some eggs.

My wife is a fan of the “keep the used eggshells in the container” method of shell disposal, so despite me thinking there were a dozen eggs left, there were only two. Good enough! Into the Egg-Tastic they went! I then mixed them up with a fork because I planned on eating them with the same fork. The sound of the fork mixing the eggs on the ceramic inside was not unlike nails on a chalkboard.

Here are the eggs inside the microwave. I was going to take a picture of the Egg-Tastic inside the microwave with the door open but it looks like one of the kids microwaved a burrito or something in there because there are meat and beans everywhere. Suddenly the Egg-Tastic’s lid seems more valuable; it can let the steam out by also keeping old beans from entering the egg.

I opened the microwave and was instantly hit with the smell of freshly microwaved eggs. Even if you don’t enjoy microwaved eggs, you might pick up the Egg-Tastic as an alternative to potpourri.

The eggs were definitely not stuck to the sides of Egg-Tastic, as I could easily pick the entire egg chunk in one single piece with a fork and see underneath it. I added a bit of cheese to the top and some hot sauce and went to town. As far as microwaved eggs go, these were definitely microwaved eggs.

This has been an unsolicited review of the Egg-Tastic Ceramic Microwave Egg Cooker. By reading this review you are waiving your legal rights to sue me.