Saturday, October 7th marked the umteenth-annual Czech Festival here in Yukon, Oklahoma. Yukon was apparently founded by Czechs and has an official “sister town” in Czechoslovakia, so the first Saturday of every October is officially “Czech Day”.

Here is my non-cynical summary of Czech Day: The Czech Day Festival begins with a parade down Main Street, where all the Czech prince, princess, king and queen nominees join Shriners and lots of local schools and other organizations. The parade lasts from 10am until noon, at which point the festival officially kicks off. North of Main Street are tons of arts and craft booths, while a midway full of rides lies to the south. Directly in the middle are both traditional Czech foods as well as other tasty morsels. The festival goes for hours as Czechs (and those joining them) dance and party late into the evening.

And now, my cynical review: The Czech Day Festival begins with the majority of Yukon’s 30,000 citizens rushing toward Main Street, blocking streets and parking on each other’s lawns trying to get as close as possible to the parade route. If you plan on being close enough to see the parade (which starts at 10am) you’ll need to get there around 9am to claim your own personal space — not that it’ll matter, as people will walk right in front of where you’re sitting and proceed to stand there until you eventually are forced to move. Parade floats can quickly be divided into two categories — those who throw candy and those who don’t. Those who don’t are largely ignored by the masses, save for the elderly who know that if they wave long enough, someone will feel guilty and eventually wave back at them. The ones that do throw candy are wildly popular in the ten-and-under demographic, who will flail their bodies towards floats, cars, tractors and horses in hopes of nabbing a free piece of bubble gum. Electoral hopefuls and local businessmen walk the streets handing out flyers, stickers and businesscards, most of which end up on the streets of Yukon in seconds.

There’s actually a third type of parade entry: Shriners. I don’t know much about Shriners but I guess when not visiting sick kids they spend most of their time cruising around in kick ass 3 wheelers, dune buggies and mini bikes. The Shriners always appear near the end of the parade because there is no other way parade organizers could get thousands of people to stand around watching dozens of Mazda Miatas cruising by at 2mph with kids sitting on the back waving to the masses unless they knew that something exciting was coming later. Put it this way; the second most exciting thing behind the Shriners is watching the horses and hoping one will poop near you so you can watch a kid shovel it up.

At noon after the parade ends, the masses rush toward the food area, which would be crowded if only 100 people showed up (so you can imagine what it looks like with thousands piling into it). The only authentic Czech food I know of is a kolache, which is kind of like a doughnut except it has a bottom and is filled with jelly. Other “authentic” Czech foods for sale each year include Indian Tacos, giant turkey legs and nachos. If you weren’t one of the lucky first 20 people into the food area then you will get to wander the streets of Yukon in search of steps, a curb, or just a clean grassy opening in order to sit and eat lunch.

From there it’s off to the midway, where rides cost $2.50 per ride and are propped up and levelled with scrap pieces of rotten wood (I’m not kidding — I even took pictures this year). Mason talked Dad into riding the Ferris Wheel with him, while Susan and I stood on the ground, ready to catch them should the rickety old ride come crashing down.

After that review you’re probably asking, “why do you go to the Czech Festival each year?” and believe me, I was asking myself that same question around 9am while some 200 year old woman in a minivan tried to do a U-turn on a one-way street. There are two reasons I go. One is for my kids. Mason’s eyes lit up at every horse, every dune buggy and every marching band that went by. This year was Morgan’s first Czech fest and while I’m sure she won’t remember it, her hair blew in the wind as she pointed at the horses with one hand and held a free sucker in her mouth with the other. The other reason I go is to see old friends. I ran into Sarah Hamner and Patty Ball today. We saw Diane O’Brien on a float. Andy Willrath drove a firetruck. Scott Cowan was standing roadside with his dad, brother and nephew. There’s some unspoken pull that brings people back to Czech Day. Even if you don’t get to talk with someone for more than a minute or two, it’s good to just be able to see they’re still doing okay.

And so, another Czech Day has come and gone. By next year I’m sure I’ll have forgotten about the long lines, the rude people, the bright sun and the fussy kids. I’m sure next year, just like every other year, I’ll be back on the front lines, fold-up chairs and kids in tow. Look for us there.