If you’ll recall, last week I put my 1995 Geo Tracker up for sale. One of the first offers I got was from EMKAY BABSLOLADEREMMY who lives in Nigeria. EMKAY writes:

[EMKAY]
Hello seller, can i know the present condition of this item if it is working prefectly conditional please do let me know so that we can proceed and let us have this transaction work in order .while i will like to send your money electronically so that you can have it printed out via your email address with cheque papaer with a magnetic versa ink .while i’ll later give you a procedure for printing out of the via your email but as soon you get it printed out yopu can take it your bank to cash so that you have your money deduct and send the remaining balance to my dependeble shipper for the paper work and clearance. and do get back to me with your full contact address that i can ask my cleint mail the cheque to you fast t.and while i’ll like to shuldule the pickup my self via ups.and i prefer to schedule the pick up through my dependable shipper international sale order. Thanks. Best reghards.

I’m sure there must be someone somewhere who’s been in a coma and is not familiar with the Nigerian money scam, but here is how it works. Whenever you try and sell something, people from Nigeria will offer to send you a money order, an e-check, or some other type of shady currency that is worth more than the item. Their goal is to get you to deposit the check into your bank, and wire them the difference. In my case, EMKAY wished to send me a check for $3,000 (I was asking $2,000 for the car). Then I would wire EMKAY back the $1,000, and send him the car. At this point you are probably slapping your forehead and thinking, “why on earth would anyone do this?” but the fact is people do it ALL THE TIME. Check out this story from the New Yorker where a Massachusetts psychotherapist and minister ended up filing bankruptcy after sending the scammers so much money.

So, I wrote him back.

[Rob]
The car is in wonderful shape! My contact information is (address removed)

My friend EMKAY was quick to respond.

[EMKAY]
Hello,hope you ve’ finally got the cheque printed ,if yes please do let me know today so that i can give you my dependable shipper where you are to send the remaining balance to cuz I prefer shipping via Dependable shipper because I have other vehicles scheduled for shipment.I bought the car for international sales order.I will appreciate you get the vehicle ready today and send the money via western union to the Dependable shipper C.E.O today so that vehicle will be included with the vehicles that will be presented for custom certicification as the shipper has notified me.Get back to me with the western union detail as soon as you get the money sent today.am keeping waiting to hear from you as soon a s possible today.

If some some unearthly reason a person didn’t realize this was a scam, he/she should be tipped off by the fact that the buyer is completely uninterested in any details about the car. So, I gave him some.

[Rob]
Emkay, I am sending the money at noon today, please let me know if it arrives. Also the car is ready to be shipped, I have a friend who owns a boat and can get it to a shipper very quickly. I am so glad you are interested in the car, ever since my father-in-law passed away in the passenger seat I have not been able to look at it in the same way (or get the smell out). Please let me know if the money arrives. I know you are good for it so if you want I will be glad to ship the car before the check clears. Thanks again for your quick interest in the vehicle!

(My father-in-law passed away over a decade ago, and he wasn’t in this car when it happened.)

[EMKAY]
Hello, Since u want to send the money below is the address u are to send the money to via Western Union :
Name: Jack Anderson
Address:12 Dependable Varsity Auto Shipper
City: Ikeja
State: Lagos State
Zipcode:23401
Country: Nigeria
Note: I will be expecting the western union details from you once u send the money today.

About 10 minutes later, I got another message from EMKAY.

[EMKAY]
Hello, Thanks for all your effort on that.but have contact my dependable shipper he come arround for the picking up.so i would’nt want worry your self about.all i want you to do know is send the remaing balance of $1000 to the address of my dependabe shipper listed below so that he can start come around for the paper work today.am keeping waiting to hear from you today as soon as possible.
Name: Jack Anderson
Address:12 Dependable Varsity Auto Shipper
City: Ikeja
State: Lagos State
Zipcode:23401
Country: Nigeria.

In one of the e-mails EMKAY’s name was signed in all capitals; in the other, it was in proper case. At that point I realized that I was conversing with multiple EMKAYs. I was still concerned that EMKAY might be disappointed with the condition of the car, so I sent him some more information.

[Rob]
Are you near Contonou? I have a friend who buys and sells cars and he says he can have the car there in 48 hours. Let me know if you are near that town/port! the car will arrive Saturday at noon. I am feeling uncomfortable with the whole Western Union thing, so instead I will put the extra thousand dollars in cash in the glove compartment (I have got most of the blood out of it). I will put the keys in there as well. Be careful when starting the car; sometimes it explodes. Don’t worry, I have only caught on fire twice. The left rear tire occasionally goes flat but I have installed a nozzle so you can blow it back up with your mouth. I will include a roll of duct tape for the windshield. Due to tragic watermelon accident the windshield is in several pieces, but that can be fixed with the tape.

I received one final e-mail from my new penpal.

[EMKAY]
OKAY AM KEEPING WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU. SEE YOU IN SATURDAY.