Susan came home Friday and there was much rejoicing. I kissed on Morgan and I kissed on Susan and then we got in the car to go get Mason from school. And then it hit me — a knotting in the stomach that could only mean one thing — I caught Mason’s stomach virus. So in addition to washing your hands and not eating or drinking after someone else as ways to avoid getting sick, be sure to add “avoid being puked on directly in the face by a sick personâ€? to your list. Of course, I’m guessing Mr. Wizard* could’ve already told us that.

(* I originally wanted this joke to be “Beakmanâ€? from Beakman’s World but I decided that was too obscure. I briefly considered Bill Nye the Science Guy before discarding him as too new school. So, Mr. Wizard it is.)

With my head hanging out the van’s window like a dog I somehow made it to daycare and back without yakking. Once we were safe at home, my body knew it and dropped its defenses. I calmly walked to the bathroom and started doing what I did for an hour or so — alternating between puking into the pot and sitting on it.

At one point while vomiting I thought to myself, “I’m spitting!â€? which made me laugh a little until I started puking again. Laughing and puking cannot physically take place at the same time. In case of a tie, puke always wins.

After over an hour of this fun activity, I wandered into the back bedroom and collapsed for the night.

Saturday was spent lazing around the house. Other than being tired, I thought the fun was over, but it was actually just beginning. Sunday morning around 3am, Susan started puking. Around 8am, Morgan threw up. And while the two ladies moved into phase one of the stomach virus, I moved into phase two, which is the “fart and crap your head offâ€? phase. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say we could have used a third bathroom as the two we had were in constant rotation all weekend long.