(The following post is rated PG-13.)

I’m about to do something that goes against everything I stand for musically.

I’m going to defend Justin Bieber.

Those of you without young girls in your home may not know who Justin Bieber is. Justin Bieber is the teen idol “du jour”. He’s cute, he sings, he dances, all the girls love him, and last weekend he not only had the top earning movie in theaters, he was also nominated for a Best New Artist Grammy. Busy weekend for a sixteen-year-old kid.

He didn’t win, by the way. The Biebs (the kids call him “Beebs” or “The Biebs”) lost to Esperanza Spalding — a “new” artist with three solo albums under her belt and albums appearances dating back to 2001. Musical merits of a sixteen-year-old heartthrob vs. an experienced jazz musician aside, it’s hard to argue that a teenager with the weekend’s highest grossing movie wasn’t the biggest new artist of the year.

But that’s not why I’m defending him.

I’m defending him because, right now in the media and across the Internet, Justin Bieber is being attacked for an answer he recently gave during an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine.

The question was, “Do you believe in abortion in cases of rape?”

Before I tell you his answer, I want to reiterate a couple of things. First, why in the hell would an interviewer ask a sixteen-year-old kid questions about rape and abortion? Seriously? When I was sixteen I still thought the stork delivered babies! This question bothers me on multiple levels, one of which is I know every pre-teen girl who sees Justin Bieber’s face on the cover of this month’s Rolling Stone is going to want a copy. Thank goodness ten-year-old girls across America will know what Justin Bieber thinks about people who have been raped getting abortions! You know, now that I think of it, Justin Bieber is Canadian — I don’t even think they have rape or abortions in Canada!

So, here’s the Bieb’s horrible answer that he’s getting slammed for:

“I really don’t believe in abortion,” Bieber says. “It’s like killing a baby?” How about in cases of rape? “Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don’t know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

That, of course, has been twisted into this:

Breaking down his response, he said (A) he doesn’t believe in abortion, (B) everything happens for a reason, and (C) since he hasn’t been in that position, he wouldn’t be able to judge that.

On (A): Justin Bieber doesn’t believe in abortion. Neither does the Pope, the Catholic Church, or lots of other people. In fact, as of 2009, more people in the US were pro-life than pro-choice. So let’s not hang him out to dry for that one.

On (B): Justin Bieber thinks “everything happens for a reason”. To hear this one you only need to go as far as the Bible. Ecclesiastes 3:1, a favorite of funeral pastors everywhere, states (depending on the translation) that “there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Question this and you’ll either get to hear the rest of Ecclesiastes, or someone will tell you that “the Lord works in mysterious ways.” Keep asking and eventually a nun will whack you with a ruler. But anyway, from a Biblical sense, the correct answer is, “everything happens for a reason.”

On (C): Justin Bieber says, “I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.” Jesus, what do you want him to say? In this country, men have no legal say when it comes to abortions. Trust me, this is the safest (and perhaps the best) answer to this question.

Look, I want to hate Justin Bieber just as much as everybody else outside his teeny-bopping demographic does, but I have to call Rolling Stone out on this one. No magazine has any business asking a pop star — a kid — their opinions on rape and abortion. Christ, plenty of people go their entire lives without forming a rational opinion on that matter. Asking a sixteen-year-old while trapped in his Range Rover is just wrong.

I agree with Justin Bieber. Rape is sad, and abortions are sad, but an adult cornering a sixteen-year-old kid in his car and asking him controversial questions in an attempt to sell a few more copies of their magazine may be the saddest part of all. Is this is all pulp magazines have left to offer, the digital revolution can’t come soon enough.