I remember the first time I saw the Statue of Liberty in person. Everybody knows what the Statue of Liberty looks like. If you live in New York City, you probably see it all the time. Maybe you see it every day. You probably see it so frequently that your mind blocks it out. Then someone like me comes along, someone who lives more than a thousand miles away from New York City and, quite frankly, didn’t know if I would ever see the Statue of Liberty in person or not. I was on a ferry and my buddy Kevin was like, “hey, there’s the Statue of Liberty if you want to take a picture,” and I did. I took, like, fifty. And although I had seen it hundreds of times on television and in films, something about seeing it in person seemed different. For the first time to me, it was real.
Our visit to the Eiffel Tower began with an Uber driver who dropped us off on the opposite side of the tower’s entrance. The Eiffel Tower is surrounded by a security fence. There is no way an Uber driver who drops tourists off at the Eiffel Tower all day every day does not know which side the entrance is on. This was just one of many times when I thought to myself that Paris has earned its reputation as a place that is not particularly tourist friendly. I guess on the upside, we had a lovely view of the Eiffel Tower as we walked around the perimeter of the security fence looking for the entrance while hoards of shady vendors tried selling us miniature Eiffel Tower souvenirs.
Eventually we found our way inside. Underneath the tower is a large, open pavilion. Finding where we were supposed to go or be was difficult because everything was in French, but we did eventually find our way.
While we were on London every taxi and Uber driver warned us about local pickpockets… and when they heard we were headed to Paris they said, “oh, it’s worse there.” All around the Eiffel Tower including on the side of the elevator that was to take us up were signs warning people about pickpockets. All I wanted was for Susan to enjoy her time visit to the tower — this was likely a once in a lifetime experience for us — and so as Susan took selfies in front of the lights and gazed at the monument’s beauty I was working full time as a security guard — eyeballing everyone in the crowd, reminding Susan to “watch her phone”, and constantly positioning myself between her and other groups of people. The only thing I was missing was a little white earpiece.
When it was our turn we were herded into a large elevator that took us up to the second level. I just looked it up and Wikipedia says the elevators can hold 45-50 people. So basically after warning you half a dozen times about pickpockets, everyone is crammed into an elevator where you stand shoulder to shoulder for a couple of minutes. Don’t worry, Private Security Officer O’Hara was still on patrol. Also, see that guy behind us in the white hoodie? 100%, pickpocket.
One of my favorite vacation stories is about the time our family rode a train to the Grand Canyon and when 1,000 people got off the train, 996 of them went one way and Susan was convinced the Grand Canyon was “the other way” and we spent an hour wandering around literally looking for the largest canyon on the planet. I’m reminded of this because as we all piled out of the elevator, everyone went one way and Susan thought maybe the restaurant was the other way. In her defense there wasn’t a lot of signage, what signage there was was in French, and it’s pretty tough to get too lost inside the Eiffel Tower. After a bit of exploring, we found the restaurant.
When we arrived at the restaurant we were led to our seats, which were next to an outside window gave us a stunning view of Paris. These reservations, I was told, were booked months in advance. I don’t remember everything that came with our meal, but I do recall lobster bisque and pasta with crab meat and caviar. We were also served large glasses of wine between each course.
I tell you that to tell you this. There have been multiple times in the life, and this is one, where Susan refuses to tell me what something cost. I’m sure I could look it up and do the math, but she knows that knowing what this cost would have made me more nauseous than spinning around a dozen times and leaning over the outside railing. What does it cost to sit inside the Eiffel Tower and wash down caviar with glasses of wine? Don’t know. Don’t want to know.
After a leisurely-paced two-hour meal, our time was over. Outside the restaurant we did a lap around the observation deck which includes glass plates in the door on which you can stand and look down. I was too afraid to try it but we talked some random strangers into doing it instead.
Here’s my summary of Paris. When we arrived to the hotel we were upsold “a room with a view of the street” that had a desk blocking the window and an extra bed in the room. When we asked to have the extra bed removed, they said yes and then didn’t do it. We had one Uber driver drop us off on the wrong side of the Eiffel Tower, and another Uber driver agree to drive us by Notre Dame so we could get out and take some pictures and then, once we arrived, wouldn’t pull over to let us out. Our third Uber driver, the guy who drove us from the Eiffel Tower back to our hotel, charged us $60 for a three-mile ride and turned out to not even be a real Uber driver. We spent the entire time in Paris getting the stink eye and worrying about pickpockets.
The entire time, that is, except for the two hours we spent dining in the Eiffel Tower, which I will say was one of the most romantic, delicious, and wonderful meals I’ve ever had.
(We also had breakfast the following morning with our friends Kathy and Damian and that was pretty good, too!)
