Back in 2017 I decided to try my hardest to lose some weight. I cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as I could, and started walking a mile a day. I ended up losing close to 50 pounds in 3 months. (I really should do this again.) To assist me in my journey, Susan purchased me a Fitbit smartwatch.

I had a lot of complaints with Apple’s first generation iWatch. One of my biggest complaints was that the battery only lasted 18 hours, which meant you had to charge it every single day. You might be thinking that a person could just remove it each night and charge it while sleeping, but these watches are also designed to monitor and provide feedback about your sleeping habits. The Fitbit, one of three primary brands of smartwatches available at that time (the Pebble being the third) did not have quite as many apps available as the iWatch, but it had a battery life of 5-7 days, which was one of the reasons I chose that brand.

I have never been a watch-wearer, and I only wore the Fitbit for a few months before falling out of the habit and shoving it into a desk drawer, where it has lived for the past five years.

While doing some cleaning the other day I ran across the watch and decided to give it another go. I could not find the proprietary magnetic charging cable and so I had to order one from Amazon. Once it arrived, I charged up the watch for the first time in years, reconnected it to my phone, and was met with a series of warnings. “DO NOT USE THIS WATCH UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. RETURN THIS WATCH TO THE MANUFACTURER IMMEDIATELY.”

Somehow I missed the headline, but apparently Fitbit has recalled all Ionic watches — like, all million+ of them ever sold. In exchange for returning the watch, Fitbit is offering complete refunds of $299, the original full price of the watch.

I did a bit of digging into the recall notice. According to the recall, under “specific conditions,” the lithium battery inside the watch can catch fire. That sounds pretty terrible. Based on what I could find, 110 people have reported that their batteries have caught on fire, and 45 people suffered burns serious enough to visit a hospital. 45 out of a million is 0.005% which seems like pretty low odds, and I mulled over just keeping the watch. If I purchased a lamp and was told it had a 0.005% of catching on fire, I’d probably keep the lamp. Unfortunately, with a complete recall issued, there will be no apps and support will surely end for this watch, and a smartwatch with no apps is a dumb investment.

Yesterday, the return packaging arrived for the watch. I got a fireproof bag to hold the watch, a small box to hold the bag, and instructions on how to put the watch into the bag, the bag into the box, and the box into the nearest UPS store. I was told the average wait time is 4-6 weeks before the money will appear in my PayPal account. I’m not in a rush. The watch sat in a drawer for five years.

Fitbit says there is no limit as to how many watches a customer can return, and my new hobby will be going to thrift stores and buying any Fitbit Ionic watch I find that’s selling for less than $299, and returning them for a profit. What could possibly go wrong?