Our cat, Dusty Springtail (nobody ever calls her that), has been being a naughty turd ever since we moved to our new house. Frankly, we don’t know what to do about her at this point.

The cat has carried over all of her bad/annoying behavior from our previous house — mostly, that means throwing up almost daily, and occasionally choosing not to poop in her litter box. For both of these issues, we’ve tried everything we’ve read online to try. We feed her smaller portions than we used to, and buy food designed for cats with upset stomachs. As for the “other end,” we have tried different litter, keep the box clean, and completely change it out weekly. Sometimes she uses it, and sometimes she goes and finds a spot under the bed or underneath a desk to do her business.

She also continues to chew cables. Laptop cables, phone charging cables, headphone cables, you name it — the more expensive, the better.

One way we used to deal with the litter box issue and the chewing issue was to keep doors closed. If one of us saw her sniffing around for a place to go, we would put her in the laundry room with her litter box and close the door. To keep her from chewing cables in my computer room and the kids’ bedrooms, we keep our doors closed.

About a month ago, the cat learned how to open doors.

We don’t have door knobs in this house. Every door has door “levers.” Somehow, the cat has learned that if she jumps up and hangs on to the lever, the door will open. The first time this happened, I was home alone in my office and when the latch on my door rattled, it scared the living crap out of me. Now, placing her in the laundry room does no good because she just lets herself out; same for closing off the bedrooms.

The cat’s latest behavior though, I simply cannot take. The cat has begun waking us up at three in the morning. Sometimes she acts like she’s hungry, and other times it’s just to play. And you can’t close the door, because she just opens it. And if you lock it, she’ll attack the door for hours on end trying to get in.

The one thing I’ve read is that maybe the cat is not getting enough play time during the day. We’ve tried tiring her out with a laser pointer before bed the past couple of days. I can’t tell if it’s helping or not.

Susan picks up most of the poop and puke, with me in distant second and the kids only by request, and then under duress. I wasn’t thrilled, but was willing to put up with replacing the occasional cable and scrubbing/spraying carpet, but I’m afraid the addition of sleep deprivation is quickly pushing me to my breaking point.

“Cat Cat” is very loving and friendly most of the time. She likes to be wherever we’re at, and is genuinely affectionate. That being said, something has to give, quick.