I love shopping on Amazon, I love bargains, and I love bad movies — so when I recently stumbled across Mill Creek’s latest 100 Movie DVD packs, knowing well and good that they were probably terrible, I bought them anyway (so you wouldn’t have to).

The three packs I purchased were 100 Greatest Cult Classics, 100 Greatest Sci-Fi Classics, and the one that originally hooked me, 100 Awesomely Cheesy Movies. Each pack sells for around $15 on Amazon, give or take a nickel.

Even if you’re not familiar with Mill Creek, you may have seen some of their compilations before. I know I have seen some of their 4-movie packs at Walmart and Dollar General, and maybe some of their 20-movie packs at Sam’s Club. Upon removing the wrapping from each one of these 100-pack collections, two 50-pack movie collections fell out. Apparently Mill Creek is bundling two of their previously-released 50-movie packs and marketing them as a single 100-movie pack. What’s odd is, the 50-movie packs have an MSRP of around $30, so bundling two of them together and selling them as a single $15 package makes about as much sense as, well, most of the included films.

In case you already have some of the 50-movie packs, the 100 Greatest Cult Classics pack consists of 50 B-Movie Blast and 50 Drive-in Movie Classics. 100 Greatest Sci-Fi Classics contains 50 SciFi Classics and 50 Sci-Fi Invasion. Finally, 100 Awesomely Cheesy Movies is actually 50 The Swinging Seventies and 50 The Excellent Eighties.

Each separate 50 pack of movies comes in its own thick clamshell case. There are 13 DVDs in each case; 12 of the DVDs are double-sided and contain two movies per side. Each DVD comes in a black paper sleeve with a clear plastic window. If you have your glasses nearby, you may be able to make out the titles of the films printed around the center hub of each disc. There’s no way to flip through the discs without removing all of the paper sleeves from the plastic case, which means if the movie you want to watch is on the last DVD, you’re going to be removing them all to get to it.

Fortunately, most of these movies are so bad you will likely have poked your own eyeballs out long before you get to the last DVD.

While only a fool would complain about the quality of 100 movies purchased for $15, I do feel compelled to question Mill Creek’s use of the terms “greatest” and “classics.” I can almost guarantee you that your personal list of the 100 greatest science fiction films of all time does not match Mill Creek’s, unless your list contains films such as Bride of the Gorilla, She Gods of Shark Reef, and the perennial sci-fi classic that makes everybody’s list, Eegah.

If you were expecting Close Encounters of the Third Kind or Star Wars, you may have chosen poorly.

Likewise, if you were hoping for any extra features — and I mean any — these are not the packs for you. These discs don’t contain subtitles. They don’t contain commentary tracks. They don’t even contain trailers. You get a menu that allows you to pick one movie, or the other. There are also scene selections — four per film.

Again, I’m not complaining — merely setting expectations. The movies are not remastered, there are no extras… I mean literally, it’s a bunch of movies in paper sleeves stuffed inside a big fat plastic case. So what exactly are you getting here?

Quantity. If you like b-movies, boy, you had better stock up on the popcorn, mister. We’re talking The Kidnapping of the President quality, starring William Shatner. We’re talking Death Machines, and Deathrow Gameshow. We’re talking Women of Devil’s Island, Voodoo Black Exorcist, and My Mom’s a Werewolf.

We’re talkin’ 1974’s Jive Turkey, you jive turkeys.

Some of these movies are available on YouTube. Most of them are terrible. None of them are “the greatest classics” by any standard imaginable. And yet, here they are — 100 movies for $15. Or, if you’re me, 300 movies for $45.

Videophiles, nitpickers, and people who know what wine goes with which dessert can safely pass these by. On the other hand, if you listen to the How Did This Get Made? podcast, enjoy watching films that make you feel like you may have had a stroke, or wish the guys on Mystery Science Theater 3000 would “pipe down” so you could hear the movie, well, buckle up solder, and get ready for hundreds of hours of terrible entertainment.

(For those who are interested, below is the complete list of movies included on each of these packages.)

100 Greatest Cult Classics

Absolution (1978)
African Safari (1968)
Almost Hollywood (1994)
The Beach Girls (1982)
Beast from Haunted Cave (1959)
Black Hooker (1974)
Blood Mania (1970)
Brain Twisters (1991)
Breakout from Oppression (1978)
Burnout (1979)
Cave Girl (1985)
Coach (1978)
Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride (1974)
Country Blue (1973)
Craze (1974)
Creeper (1977)
Dangerous Charter (1962)
Day of the Panther (1988)
Death Machines (1976)
Deathrow Gameshow (1987)
The Devil with Seven Faces (1971)
The Devil’s Hand (1962)
Don’t Look in the Basement (1973)
Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984)
Embryo (1976)
End of the World (1977)
Escape From Hell Island (1963)
The Firing Line (1991)
Fleshburn (1984)
Galaxina (1980)
Going Steady (1979)
The Guy from Harlem (1977)
The Hellcats (1967)
Hell on Wheels (1967)
Horror of the Zombies (1974)
The Hostage (1967)
Hunk (1987)
Indian Paint (1965)
In Hot Pursuit (1977)
Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)
Iron Angel (1964)
The Island Monster (1954)
I Wonder Who’s Killing Her Now? (1976)
Jive Turkey (1974)
Jocks (1986)
Katie’s Passion (1975)
The Kidnapping of the President (1980)
Killpoint (1984)
Las Vegas Lady (1975)
The Lazarus Syndrome (1979)
Legacy of Blood (1971)
Legend of Big Foot (1976)
Lena’s Holiday (1991v
Liar’s Moon (1982)
Low Blow (1986)
Mad Dog (1977)
The Manipulator (1971)
Moon of the Wolf (1972)
The Murder Mansion (1972)
My Mom’s A Werewolf (1989)
My Tutor (1983)
Nabonga (1944)
Night Train to Terror (1985)
Nine Deaths of the Ninja (1985)
The Patriot (1986)
Prime Evil (1988)
Prime Time (1977)
Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1984)
Rattlers (1976)
Road to Nashville (1967)
Santee (1973)
Savage Journey (1983)
Savage Weekend (1976)
Secret File: Hollywood (1962)
Shock (1946)
The Sidehackers (1969)
The Silencer (1992)
Single Room Furnished (1968)
The Skydivers (1963)
Slave of the Cannibal God (1978)
Snowbeast (1977)
Spare Parts (1979)
The Specialist (1975)
Stanley (1972)
Superchick (1973)
Terror – (1978)
Terror in the Jungle (1968)
Throw Out the Anchor (1974)
TNT Jackson (1974)
Tomboy (1985)
Top Cop (1990)
Trauma (1978)
Treasure of Tayopa (1974)
Twister’s Revenge (1987)
Voodoo Black Exorcist (1973)
Weekend Pass (1984)
The Wild Rebels (1967)
Wild Riders (1971)
Women of Devil’s Island (1962)
The Young Graduates (1971)

100 Greatest Sci-Fi Classics

984: Prisoner of the Future
Abraxas – Guardian of the Universe
Alien Prey
Assassin
Assignment: Outer Space             
Attack of the Monsters   
Battle Beyond the Sun
Beyond the Moon
Blood Tide     
Brain Twisters
Bride of the Gorilla       
Colossus and the Amazon Queen 
Cosmos: War of the Planets        
Crash of the Moons       
Death Machines
Destroy All Planets         
Eegah    
Escape from Galaxy 3
Evil Brain from Outer Space
Extraterrestrial Visitors
First Spaceship on Venus 
Fugitive Alien
Future Hunters
Future Women
Galaxina
Gamera the Invincible   
Giants of Rome              
Hands of Steel
Hercules Against the Moon Men
Hercules and the Captive Women           
Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon       
Hercules Unchained        
Horror High
Horrors of Spider Island               
Hundra
Hyper Sapien: People From Another Star
Invaders From Space
It’s Alive
Killers From Space     
Kong Island      
Laser Mission 
Life Returns
Menace from Outer Space         
Mesa of Lost Women    
Mission Stardust
Moon of the Wolf        
Morons from Outer Space
Night Fright
Night of the Blood Beast
Phantom From Space    
Planet Outlaws                  
Prehistoric Women         
Primal Impulse
Queen of the Amazons  
R.O.T.O.R.
Raiders of Atlantis
Robo Vampire
Rocket Attack U.S.A.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians  
She Gods of Shark Reef              
Silver Needle in the Sky
Slipstream
Snowbeast         
Son of Hercules: The Land of Darkness     
Star Knight
Star Pilot
Teenagers From Outer Space     
The Alien Factor
The Alpha Incident          
The Amazing Transparent Man   
The Astral Factor           
The Atomic Brain           
The Bat (1959)
The Brain Machine         
The Brother from Another Planet
The Crater Lake Monster
The Creeping Terror
The Day Time Ended
The Eyes Behind The Stars
The Galaxy Invader         
The Giant of Metropolis
The Gypsy Moon
The Head
The Incredible Petrified World      
The Lost Jungle       
The Manster
The Phantom Planet
The Snow Creature       
The Wasp Woman           
The Wild Women of Wongo
They Came From Beyond Space                 
Top Line
Trapped by Television
Unknown World         
Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women          
Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet             
War of the Robots
Warning From Space     
Welcome To Blood City
White Pongo

100 Awesomely Cheesy Movies

Act of Love – 1980
Against a Crooked Sky – 1975
Agency – 1980
Bail Out – 1989
Blunt – The Fourth Man – 1987
Border Cop – 1979
Borrowers – 1973
Callie & Son – 1981
Casablanca Express – 1989
Cave Girl – 1985
C.C. and Company – 1970
Choices – 1981
Christabel – 1988
Cold Sweat – 1970
Cold War Killers – 1986
Concrete Cowboys – 1979
Congratulations, It’s A Boy! – 1971
Cop in Blue Jeans – 1978
Crypt of the Living Dead – 1973
David Copperfield – 1970
Day Time Ended – 1980
Dear Mr. Wonderful – 1982
Death of Richie – 1977
Death Scream – 1971
Deathrow Gameshow – 1987
Delta Force Commando – 1987
Dog Day – 1984
Driver’s Seat – 1974
Evel Knievel – 1971
Fair Play – 1972
Firehouse – 1972
Four Deuces – 1976
Get Christie Love! – 1975
Good Against Evil – 1977
Gun and the Pulpit – 1974
Hanged Man – 1974
Hard Knox – 1984
Hazard of Hearts, A – 1987
High Risk – 1981
How Awful About Allan – 1970
Hunk – 1987
Hustling – 1975
Intimate Agony – 1983
James Dean – 1976
Jane Eyre (1971) – 1971
Jory – 1973
Katherine – 1975
The Kidnapping of the President – 1980
Klansman – 1974
Lady and the Highwayman – 1989
Lamb – 1985
Las Vegas Lady – 1975
Laser Mission – 1990
Last of the Belles – 1974
Liar’s Moon – 1982
Maybe I’ll Come Home in the Spring – 1971
Mesmerized – 1986
Minor Miracle, A – 1983
Mr. Scarface – 1976
Mr. Sycamore – 1975
My Chauffeur – 1986
My Mom’s a Werewolf – 1989
New Adventures of Heidi – 1978
Night of the Sharks – 1987
The Patriot – 1986
Portrait of a Showgirl – 1982
Proud and the Damned – 1972
Real American Hero, A – 1978
Reborn – 1981
River Niger – 1976
Rogue Male – 1976
Saigon: Year of the Cat – 1983
Savage Journey – 1983
Scandal Sheet – 1985
Scarecrows – 1988
Second Sight: A Love Story – 1984
Shadows in the Storm – 1985
Shaker Run – 1985
Slipstream – 1989
Somewhere, Tomorrow – 1983
Stunts – 1977
Swiss Conspiracy – 1976
Squeeze – 1978
They Call it Murder – 1971
Time to Die, A – 1982
To All My Friends on Shore – 1972
Toby McTeague – 1986
Tomboy – 1985
Train Killer – 1983
Treasure of the Jamaica Reef – 1975
Tuareg: The Desert Warrior – 1984
Twisted Obsession – 1989
Wacky Taxi – 1972
Wanted: Babysitter – 1975
War of the Robots – 1978
War Head – 1977
We Think The World Of You – 1988
Werewolf of Washington – 1973
When The Bough Breaks – 1986
The Young Graduates – 1971