Category Archives: Adventures

Last Call: The Goodwill Outlet Center

Upon entering our local Goodwill’s Outlet Center I was overcome by a wave of desperation. At first I assumed those feelings were emanating from other customers, digging feverishly through the mountains of stuff. The longer we were there I began to wonder if the vibes weren’t radiating from the stuff itself.

Everything has a lifespan. Goods are purchased from stores by consumers and kept until they outlive their usefulness, at which point they’re either recycled, discarded, or enter the secondhand market. A big part of that secondhand market are donation centers. Last year, Goodwill alone received approximately 5.7 billion pounds of donations. (Again, that’s just Goodwill.) What happens to items after they are donated is less straightforward than you might think. Sometimes. items donated to a Goodwill location are cleaned or tested and resold at that specific location. Some of those items are pulled from rotation and sent to other locations. There are Goodwill stores that specialize in electronics and computers, for example. Collectibles and other desirable items are often pulled and sold online (ShopGoodwill.com).

But not everything sells, and with more than 110 million donations a year coming in (again, this is to Goodwill alone), all that stuff has to keep moving. Eventually where it moves to is a Goodwill Outlet Center, like the one in Oklahoma City located at 1320 W. Reno.

In traditional Goodwill stores items rest peacefully on shelves, clothing hangs on racks, and everything is individually priced. At the Goodwill Outlet Center, things lose their dignity. Everything about the Goodwill Outlet Center is utilitarian. The floors are concrete, the walls are metal, the ceiling is exposed. Items arriving to the center are sorted into waist-high carts on wheels and rolled out to the floor where most of it, except for items belonging to a few specific categories, is sold by the pound.

According to Susan, every morning as carts full of incoming goods are rolled out, people rush them and begin digging like maniacs in search of treasure. That’s not when we went; instead, we arrived late in the evening, thirty minutes before closing time. It’s a bit like closing time at a bar, but somehow even more depressing. At this point in the day the bins are full of items that were deemed so valueless by their original owners that they were donated to Goodwill, sat unsold in a Goodwill store long enough that they ended up here, and then were passed over by hundreds of ravenous daily shoppers who search every bin as if their wedding ring had slipped off and fallen inside.

What remains is… stuff. A lot of it — the vast majority, maybe 75% or more, is clothing. The fact that these items have been passed over so many times did nothing to temper hope of the shoppers we saw who were digging and tossing clothing into the air like a dog shaking the stuffing out of an old toy.

I quickly gravitated to the rear of the store, where household goods coagulate. In this store, household goods are defined as anything not listed in one of the posted categories (glassware, books, shoes, or purses). CDs? Household goods. Fake plant? Household goods. Discarded beautician practice head? Household goods.

Again, this is the last of the last. For example. the Goodwill Outlet Center has every audio CD you could possibly want, as long as what you want are scratched CDs from artists you’ve never heard of in broken jewel cases. And then there were books — books, books, so many books! Hundreds and hundreds of books, from hardback books by Dr. Seuss to paperbacks that were read once, or never, that couldn’t find a reader. As for the other stuff, I suspect the early bird gets the best part of the worm. By the time we arrived only broken toys and stuffed animals so crusty they could stand on their own.

The checkout process is as dignified as these items deserve. Special items like books and purses are rang up individually; everything else is dumped into a pile on a dirty scale in the floor where their weight and your total is calculated. At 99 cents a pound, Picassos and prints are worth the same here.

For my part I found some VHS and cassette tapes, a couple of Life magazines from the 1980s, and a few books. Oh, and that beautician school mannequin, whom I immediate named Lice-a Minnelli. Back in the car, Susan and I each took a bath in hand sanitizer (the website recommends customers bring and wear gloves), and later that evening Lice-a god her own washing and haircut in a scene that, in retrospect, looks a bit like a clip from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

At least with us, for now, Lice-a is safe. For items that don’t sell at the Goodwill Outwill Center, their future can be bleak. Believe it or not, very little of the items end up in landfills or destroyed. Electronics are either refurbished or recycled. Clothing is cut up and sold as wiping cloths. Some of the stuff is sold to salvage brokers. Some of the stuff ends up in third world countries. If you want to know more about the life of discarded goods, I highly recommend Adam Minter’s 2019 book Secondhand: Travels in the New Global Garage Sale.

Mothman’s Legacy and Museum Tour

Mothman, according to legend, is a black humanoid creature with red eyes and large wings who was first spotted in Point Pleasant, West Virginia back in the late 1960s. The first official Mothman sighting was reported in 1966 by two couples who were chased by the flying monster, and the creature gained national attention after the book The Mothman Prophecies was published, which was eventually made into a movie.

So when you’re visiting West Virginia and a friend invites you to go on a Mothman tour, you say yes. While I in town, my friend Aaron and his family graciously offered to take us on a tour of several Mothman-related locations, culminating with a visit to the official Mothman Museum.

Our tour began with a trip to what is know as the TNT Area, located five miles north of Point Pleasant. Just a short walk from the paved road sit several abandoned concrete bunkers, originally used to store munitions back in World War II. The bunkers, open on a “enter at your own risk” basis, are covered in graffiti and an interesting part of history. They also happen to be where two young couples were hanging out when they first spotted Mothman on November 15, 1966. The four sped back to Point Pleasant at speeds approaching 100mph, claiming the creature kept up with them the entire way.

From there we made our way back to Point Pleasant proper, arriving at the official Mothman Museum just a few minutes later. Aaron and his family covered everyone’s admission to the museum, which was very kind. It was obvious upon entering Point Pleasant that the town has double-downed on the legend of Mothman, with both a museum and a large statue of the famous monster located right off Main Street downtown.

The museum contains just about everything you can think of related to Mothman. The displays begin with newspaper clippings from the 1960s and 70s that document the original sightings of Mothman. There’s a section about the TNT Area, and several mentions of the Men in Black, whom several witness say paid them a visit after reporting sightings of Mothman. There are also Mothman paintings, Mothman dioramas, and even the official Mothman costume which is worn during the annual Mothman festival and parade.

One of the biggest controversies surrounding Mothman is the collapse of Silver Bridge, which crossed the Ohio river and connected Point Pleasant to Gallipolis, Ohio. In December of 1967 the bridge collapsed during rush hour, sending dozens of cars crashing into the river and resulting in 46 deaths. It has been reported that Mothman was spotted near the bridge at that time, but opinions are divided as to whether Mothman caused the bridge to collapse or was there to warn people of the impending disaster. Regardless of which side you believe, the real takeaway here is that if you are approaching a bridge and see a large humanoid moth flying overhead, it would be best to find a different route.

After looking at all the memorabilia and movie props on display from the 2002 film, our group went to a Mexican restaurant located just down the street. The delicious food and cold margaritas really hit the spot. I had such a great time at the museum that as a way to say thanks to Aaron and his family I slipped the waitress my credit card toward the end of the meal and told her I would pick up everyone’s meal. A few moments later she returned my card to me with a confused look on her face and informed me that someone else already picked up the tab. At first we thought Mothman had bought us lunch, but it turned out that Petzel and his wife Erin, two of the other visitors who had also come on the tour, had sneakily picked up the bill faster than I could!

Next to the museum in the middle of an intersection is the Mothman statue, a 12-foot-tall metal sculpture that was installed in 2003. There are many traditions surrounding the statue, one of which is to slap its shiny metal butt for good luck.

Our final destination was a local ice cream parlor located right across the street from the restaurant. Luke, Aaron’s son, had the Mothman Sundae and (embarrassingly) beat me in a best-out-of-three Connect Four tournament at the table.

So there you have it, the Legend of Mothman. Thanks to Aaron, Teresa, and Luke for their all their generosity and hospitality. Teresa even hooked each of us up with small gift bags containing a Mothman candle, complete with shiny red eyes attached to the side. Also thanks to Petzel and his wife for lunch and for joining us on the tour, and John for driving a second car. I spent most of the day with one eye toward the sky looking for Mothman and and never caught a glimpse of him, but certainly had a great time seeing all the things at the Mothman Museum and around Point Pleasant.

There Are No Rules in Mexico, Only Suggestions: Cozumel Cruise, 2019

Last week during spring break, Susan, the kids, and I took a Carnival cruise to Cozumel. This was our fourth cruise together as a family, and our second time to visit Cozumel. Previously we cruised to Hawaii in 2015, Alaska in 2012, and Cozumel (the first time) ten years ago in 2009.

We spent Sunday, March 17 (St. Patrick’s Day), driving from Oklahoma City down to Galveston, Texas (about 500 miles). Our cruise ship, the Carnival Valor, departed from Galveston the following morning. On Wednesday, March 20, we arrived in Cozumel, Mexico, and on the following day, we arrived in Progresso. Tuesday and Friday were sea days. We arrived back in Galveston early Saturday morning, and drove home that same day.

After our first Carnival cruise to Cozumel, I wrote up a fairly detailed summary of the cruise experience, so I won’t duplicate that here. I will say that each time we cruise, we pick up a few more tips and tricks that make our cruise experiences more enjoyable. For example, by only taking carry on luggage, we were able to trip literally hours off of the disembarking process.

Also, again, we booked suites — two of them this time; one for us, and one next door for the kids. Our room had a queen-sized bed (the kids had two twins), a large couch, a table with three chairs, a bathroom with a shower/tub, tons of storage, and our own private balcony. For the difference in price, I can’t imagine ever downgrading.

During our stop in Cozumel, just as we did ten years ago, we visited Chankanaab Beach Adventure Park. Our tickets included transportation costs to and from the park, plus lunch and drinks. Susan even got them to toss in four sets of snorkeling masks and breathing tubes for free. As with any event you do either on the ship or off, there are always people on standby ready to take your money. We skipped the provided free lunch and opted to eat at the same outdoor restaurant we dined at ten years ago. Total bill? $80. Oh, and those free drinks? You can get them over there, a quarter of a mile away. The ones over here are $5-$10. And don’t worry, senior — everyone takes US dollars.

For ten years, I’ve regretted not visiting the Three Amigos Cantina located right off the Cozumel pier. This time, we made a point of poking our heads in. I bought an “El Guapo” baseball cap, and we took several pictures both inside and outside the restaurant.

On the following day, our ship docked in Progresso, Yucatan. There, we had a multi-hour bus tour of Yucatan. Our first stop were a series of salt mines — large ponds of water that are bright pink due to the natural salt in the soil. Salt was the primary spice harvested and traded by the Mayans when they lived here. The Yucatan peninsula is also home to the Chicxulub crater, which scientists believe is the asteroid impact strike that killed the dinosaurs, and most definitely altered the Yucatan soil composition. The pictures I took do not do the water’s color justice; it was as pink as the flamingos we saw standing around!

At this same stop were two Mayan women who were hand preparing a snack of tortillas, guacamole, and salsa. On the corner of the table in this picture you can see the hollowed out gourd the ladies were using to store their tortillas. The women live on this site in similar huts and sleep in hammocks.

Our next stop were a series of Mayan ruins in Xcambo, Yucatan. Some of the ruins have been dated back to 250 A.D. Tourists are allowed (and even encouraged) to climb around on and explore the ruin site. As our tourist guide put it, “there are no rules in Mexico, only suggestions.” This particular site included what archaeologists believe is a bath house, which would have been used to cleanse people’s bodies before they were sacrificed, and the actual spot where people were sacrificed. Our tour guides noted that the ruins appear to have been built to line up with Venus, the brightest “star” in the sky.

Our third destination was the Santa Ana Cathedral, located in Dzemul, Yucatan. It is believed that the foundation of the church was formerly the foundation for a Mayan temple. When the Mayans were conquered by the Spaniards, the temple was torn down and this Catholic church was built on the site. The church was established in the 15th century, and rebuilt in the 17th century. The baptism pool shows a date of 1691.

Our final stop was at another private beach resort, which had a buffet, swimming pool, deck chairs, and ocean access. It looked like what you imagine it might, so I won’t share a picture of that. Instead, here is a picture I took from the bus as we drove through Dzemul.

In a side conversation I had with our tour guide, he guessed that the average monthly income there was “about six-hundred US dollars.” Those are the people who are willing to commute the 45 minutes to the capital city of Merida and work there. For those that don’t, he guessed the average monthly income would be closer to $200. That’s about half of the Mexcian national average income of $19(USD)/day. It’s a weird feeling to be riding through in an air conditioned bus on your way to a private beach in someone else’s town that they’re not allowed to visit.

On Friday, the final day of our cruise, Susan and I attended Carnival’s Behind the Fun tour. The tour, which costs $100/person, takes you on a walking tour through parts of the ship that passengers never see. I have done similar trips twice before — once with Mason and once with Morgan — but Susan had never gone, so this time was our turn. The tour lasted more than three hours, and led us through the laundry room, the kitchen galley, behind the main performance stage, through the engineering room, and even up on the bridge, where we got to meet the captain. If you are interested in facts related to your cruise (our ship had 6 engines — 4 v16 and 2 v12 — and consumes 500 gallons of diesel per engine per hour) then I highly recommend you sign up for this tour. Our cruise had two tour slots of 16 people; when it sells out, that’s it. It’s very limited and one of my highlights.

The rest of our time on board was sent doing “cruise” stuff — eating, napping, hanging out on the decks, eating… you get the idea. The best part about our cruise was that we only had limited internet service and no phone coverage at all, which made for a nice week away from work. :)

Saying Farewell to President George H. W. Bush in Houston

George H. W. Bush, the 41st President of the United States, passed away November 30, 2018, in Houston, Texas, at the age of 94. His body was flown to Washington D.C. for a national funeral service. On Wednesday, December 5, President Bush’s body was flown back to Houston, where he was to lay in repose for 12 hours at St. Martin’s Episcopal Church for public viewing.

“I want to go,” said Susan, “and take the kids. You up for a crazy adventure?”

This was on Tuesday.

On Wednesday, the kids arrived home from school around 3 p.m. By 3:30 p.m., the four of us had piled into my car and were headed south, Houston bound. Google Maps says Houston is 465 miles and roughly seven hours away. It took us longer. We stopped for dinner at Two Frogs in Ardmore and made more stops for drinks and gas. We didn’t arrive in Houston until after 1 a.m.

The plan, as we understood it, was that President Bush’s body was laying in repose from 6:45 p.m. Wednesday evening through 6 a.m. Thursday morning. Visitors were to park at the Second Baptist church in Houston, where they would take a shuttle to St. Martin’s Episcopal Church, the church Bush and his family regularly attended.

When we arrived at the Second Baptist Church a little after 1 a.m., we discovered we were the only people there. After making a couple of laps around the parking lot looking for a way in, we discovered something — there are more than one Second Baptist Churches in Houston, and we were at the wrong one. With an updated (and now correct) address, we zipped another ten miles away to the next one.

“How many people could possibly be there at 1:30 in the morning?”

At least a thousand, turns out.

We knew that we were on the right path when we saw a lone police car with its red and blue lights flashing, blocking traffic. Then we saw a second car. Then, we saw twenty — and not just normal patrol cars and police suburbans. The church’s parking lot looked like any mall’s on Black Friday. We parked in a too-tight spot across from a military-grade truck. The presence of law enforcement (both local and federal) was prominent.

First we made our way to the line going into the church; then we made our way to the rear of the line, which had wrapped around the building. On our walk, we were stopped by a local news reporter for KPRC in Houston and interviewed (still looking for the clip). In line, we stood next to a chatty lady and her adult daughter. The woman had come earlier, but lines were so long that the church had shut down operators. “There were at least 3,000 people here earlier,” she said. “Now there’s only around a thousand.”

It was 1:45 a.m. when we joined the end of the line, which moved relatively quickly. We entered the church around 2:15 a.m. — not the church where President Bush was. Remember, this was still the line at the first church to get us to the shuttles that would eventually take us to the other church. After standing outside in 40 degree temperatures, it was nice to be inside. The line snaked around through lanes marked with ropes. There was no pushing, no cutting, no anything of that nature. Just people talking — a few about President Bush, the rest about how their nights had gone, or how exhausted they were going to be at work in a few hours.

At the other side of the church, a security checkpoint had been established where visitors had to funnel through one of maybe a dozen metal detectors. Law enforcement presence was heaver here. Guys with guns manned the metal detectors while other guys with guns stood close by, watching. Walking around those guys were stereotypical secret service agents — black suits, with pins on lapels and earpieces in their ears. The line through the metal detectors went quickly. Large signs instructed visitors to take everything metal out of their pockets and place it on the metal table in front of the office. I got wanded separately because I’m “that guy,” and soon we had filed into another line. This line also moved quickly, and soon we were being loaded onto city buses.

We were almost there! Except, we weren’t.

While the bus ride only took a few minutes, the wait to exit the bus took forever. We had boarded the bus right around 2:30 a.m. and by 3:30 a.m., we were still on it. Sweat dripped down my back in the non air-conditioned bus as we sat (or, in my case, stood), with no idea how long the wait would be. In the tight confines of the bus, conversations erupted. The couple to my left lived less than a mile from the church. “Coulda walked here quicker,” was all I heard him say. The man to my right attended Texas A&M — Bush’s Alma mater — and was proudly wearing his own A&M baseball cap. The lady standing in front of Morgan talked the entire time about how much she hated being trapped inside elevators. Which we weren’t in.

The woosh of the bus’s doors opening caught everyone off guard. Suddenly we were back in the 40 degree night air standing in another line, this one leading to St. Martin’s Episcopal Church. The church is royal; fit for a King or a President. People snapped pictures of the church in the darkness — not because any of us thought they would turn out, I don’t think, but because for more than two hours there hadn’t been anything to take pictures of.

The closer we got to the church, the more somber things became. Conversational voices turned to whispers. Phones were put away.

The inside of is awesome, in the true sense of the word. We walked down the outside aisle, single file, until we reached the front of the church. There, we turned and walked past President Bush’s casket, draped in an American flag and surrounded by guards.

(This picture is from CNN. No photography was allowed inside the church.)

I spent my brief moment in front of the casket thinking about public service. I’m not going to write a tribute to the former President, and I don’t want this post to become political. But I will say that President George H. W. Bush spent sixty years in federal service — from serving in World War II to becoming the director of the CIA, vice-president, and eventually President. He did some great things, and probably some not so great things, but at the end of the day, it seems to me President Bush committed his life to making the United States a better place to live.

The brief time we spent inside the church was dreamlike. In the blink of an eye we were back outside, on our way back to the shuttle buses. The ride back was quieter, except for one lady’s cell phone alarm. It was her daily wake-up alarm. It was officially 4 a.m.

According to news reports, just under 12,000 people went through St. Martin’s Episcopal Church to see President George H. W. Bush laying in state (not to mention all the people who attended the services in Washington D.C.). After a private ceremony Thursday morning, President Bush was loaded onto a custom locomotive painted to look like Air Force One, and moved to his final resting place at the presidential library in College Station, Texas.

The O’Haras, cranky and sleep-deprived, were loaded into a 2017 Ford Flex and driven back to Oklahoma.

Speaking to the Association of Information Technology Professionals

Last night I had the honor of speaking to the Association of Information Technology Professionals (AITP) at the University of Central Oklahoma about my experience as a computer specialist for the Federal Aviation Administration.

Approximately 100 students showed up last night to listen to me ramble about my life as a federal employee. I had originally planned to focus my presentation about experiences working with security, but a couple of weeks ago I learned that last month’s guest was a security pen tester, so I decided to expand the scope of my presentation a bit and cover my entire career instead. Whether I was working in security, communications, or as a domain/enterprise admin, my official job title has always been “Computer Specialist,” and so that was the theme of my talk — that even in the FAA alone, there are lots of varied job opportunities for IT professionals to pursue.

Fifteen minutes before I was scheduled to go on, my heart was racing. Even though the auditorium was relatively small, public speaking always gets my adrenaline pumping. By the time I hit my second slide, my nerves began to calm and I hit my stride, such as it is.

I had an hour time slot for both my presentation and any questions. I prepared 30 slides, planned to talk for 45 minutes, and actually hit 50, leaving me ten minutes for questions. I was afraid I’d put the audience to sleep, but I got a question, then two, then five or six more — so many that I went fifteen minutes over my allotted time, and got cut off! Imagine that — me talking too much!

I like speaking opportunities because it gives me a chance to practice a skill I don’t know that I’m great at, but I especially enjoy it when I’m speaking to an audience that, for lack of a better term, wants to be there. I once spoke to a college class about the history of video game development, and thirty seconds into my presentation a kid on the front row inserted ear buds into his ears and closed his eyes — always great for the morale! Fortunately, that was not the case last night. As I looked out into the auditorium seats I saw a the next generation of IT professionals about to start their own journeys politely listening to a battle-worn computer specialist recalling some of his own adventures. I know those students are going to do great, and whatever company they end up working for will be lucky to have them.

Thanks to Patty Blevins and the Association of Information Technology Professionals at the University of Central Oklahoma for having me out last night. I felt privileged for the opportunity.

Now I’m off to find some more training so I can stay one step ahead of these guys!

We All Scream for What I Paid for These Geni Ice Cream Cone Cups

That escalated quickly.

Six months ago, after years of searching, I purchased an ice cream cone drinking cup similar to one I owned as a child. The one I found was very, very similar to the one I had owned, but it wasn’t 100% identical. I spent close to ten years looking for one of those cups, so “very, very similar” was good enough for me at the time.

One week after I purchased that cup, my mom found a second green one for a quarter at a garage sale exactly like the ones we had growing up. With a white one and a green one, I was content. I was thrilled. I was done buying ice cream cone cups forever!

Hardy har har.

The one thing that needled me was this picture of the same cup but with a scoop of strawberry ice cream with strawberry (instead of chocolate) on top. That meant there were more variations of the cup out there than what I knew.

Then, someone sent me a link to this eBay auction. Five cones. Strawberry, peach, vanilla, lime sherbet, and chocolate! With chocolate, marshmallow, and orange on top! Now it all makes sense!

(Nothing about this makes sense. I’m a grown-ass man buying ice cream cone cups.)

You can see what the auction went for. Between this and the other cups, I could have bought a lot of ice cream. But what would I eat it out of? Some crappy ol’ plain bowl? I don’t think so!

The greatest thing about that auction was that it finally put a brand name to the cups: GENI. That information’s not particularly helpful in tracking them down unfortunately, as it’s not printed anywhere on the cups themselves. The cones were advertised as being made from “space age plastic.”

The last thing I needed for my cups were some festive straws. We joke about what we would tell ourselves if we could go back in time. There’s no way the younger me would believe that in the future you can just sit down at a computer and type “send me 100 festive straws” and have them magically show up 48 hours later. But that’s what happened.

So now I have six Geni Ice Cream Cone cups made from space age plastic, one Walt Disney-branded cup that’s really close but not exactly the right thing, seven festively-striped straws, and 93 more straws shoved into a kitchen cabinet.

Life is good, man. Life is good.

Thanks to all my Twitter pals who tipped me off to these auctions, and mom for finding the green one at a garage sale. I couldn’t have done it without you guys!

Fender Bender on Main Street

My family and I were stopped at a traffic light (facing south) last Saturday evening when the accident took place. First, a tan SUV collided with a blue pickup. A white SUV then slid into the blue truck, while the tan SUV bounced off the blue truck and hit my black truck before coming to a stop. All of the other vehicles were, I think, traveling east and west on Main Street.

I say “I think” because the whole incident unfolded in less than five seconds. As I told one of the officers on the scene, we weren’t 100% sure which direction the tan SUV was traveling, or who was at fault in the accident. It makes you feel really stupid to have to explain to a police officer that an accident happened 10 feet in front of you, and you have no idea what just happened.

The driver of the tan SUV (we’ll call him “Billy”) was badly shaken, so I did my best to comfort him while waiting for the police to arrive. Billy works at a local fast food restaurant and had just got his SUV out of the shop. Based on recent events, I’d say it’s going back.

While we were waiting for the police to arrive (which took less than 5 minutes), a well-meaning man pulled up and began barking orders at me. “Make that kid sit down!” he yelled at me. Then he handed me the glass of ice water he was drinking and told me to give it to Billy. “He’s in shock!” said the man. “I was in the Marines, I’ve been shot three times!” I may have been in shock myself as I hard time following the man’s logic (“I was shot years ago; therefore, you will drink from a stranger’s water cup.”) but it must have made sense to Billy because he took the glass and drank it down.

The blue truck and the tan SUV took the most damage. The blue truck’s front end was so crumpled that the driver’s side door wouldn’t open, and the tan SUV’s airbags had deployed. Nobody appeared to be seriously hurt, and there was no blood. The white SUV had slid into the aftermath of the original accident and didn’t appear to have much damage. My front bumper got dinged and bent, but nothing too major.

After exchanging information and making a statement to the police, we were back on our way, able to weasel out between the remaining police cars and tow trucks that had begun to arrive. The Avalanche is still perfectly driveable, so I’ll continue to do so until it’s time to take her in for repairs. We spent the rest of the evening chatting with friends about how lucky we were. That’s the O’Hara luck for ya — being lucky in unlucky situations.

Dealing with Doo Doo

So our rented RV has two waste water tanks: one gray, one black. Water that goes into the sink and the shower ends up in the gray tank. Anything that goes into the toilet ends up in the black tank. All of it eventually ends up in a hole in a ground. The owner (or renter, in our case) of the RV gets the esteemed honor of putting it there.

As I mentioned yesterday, there’s a panel inside the RV covered with switches and little lights that allows you to control and monitor features of the vehicle. This morning, after eating a bowl of oatmeal and drinking a large mug of coffee, I retreated to the RV’s luxurious 3’x3′ bathroom and pooped. I’ll spare you the details, save for the part about how I ended up with one leg in the shower, with toilet paper in one hand and a can of air freshener in the other. And when I was all done, believe me, try as that little vent fan could, I sure wished I was not in that tiny hot poop closet.

When I walked out of the bathroom, a new light was blinking on the wall. The black tank was now full.

For the most part we’ve only been doing “number ones” in the RV while saving “number twos” for rest stops, restaurants, and bath houses. I have no idea how big the black tank on this RV is, but … this is all science I just don’t know. I don’t know how much waste comes out of people on average and how big the tank in this RV is to hold it — math was never really my strong suit — but at the end of the day, you don’t need to know any of that.

When the light comes on it’s time to empty the tanks, and that’s all you need to know.

Every RV campground (I’m assuming?) has a place where visitors can dump their tanks. If you were hoping for a high-tech solution here, you will be disappointed. Dumping your tanks involves connecting one end of a big black hose to the RV and sticking the other end down into a hole — far enough that it won’t pop back out, but not far enough to touch “anything” that we all know is down in that hole. Once you are absolutely sure the hose is properly connected, you pull the black handle first, followed by the gray handle. The black handle dumps all the poo poo and pee pee out of the black tank into the hole in the ground. The gray handle dumps all the sink and shower water through the same hose, ostensibly also flushing out anything that was left in the hose. There’s no motorized suction thing performing any of this magic — it’s just you, a (thank God not transparent) hose, and good ol’ gravity.

Oh yeah… and, your nose. The black hose may be liquid-tight, but it sure isn’t odor-tight, I can tell you that. Plus, the other end is literally plunged down into a hole full of other hombres’ caca. There’s no seal around that end at all. I’m sure with a flashlight you could see things that could never be unseen down there.

Aaaaaand… that was pretty much it! With the tanks empty we drove the RV back around to our parking spot, hooked back up to power and water, and set out in the rental car to explore Santa Fe!

(Also, Santa Fe business owners, if you saw us using the restroom in every restaurant and museum we visited yesterday, now you know why.)

RV Adventures!

On Wednesday, Susan, the kids, and I rented an RV and headed west.

Specifically, this RV:

2016-07-07 13.39.57

Neither of us have ever driven or even ridden in an RV, so this is my first impression: after watching a couple of YouTube videos (“your model may vary”), we picked up our RV (our model most definitely did vary). In about 5 minutes we learned about the generator (it runs pretty much any time you’re not parked and plugged into A/C), there are water tanks (black and grey), a water pump, two slide outs (“slide ’em out far, not too far, but far enough, just right”) and a slew of other things.

The generator has been the biggest learning curve. If you want power to the “box” (the back of the RV), you either need to be plugged into an A/C outlet at a park, or the generator needs to be running. Even when you’re driving, the generator runs, and uses approximately one gallon of gas per hour. It also uses oil, so you have to check the oil every 8 hours. Also, because it’s the summer and it’s hot, the generator can overheat. When that happens, all you can do is wait. While you wait, nobody in the back of the RV has power. Or air conditioning. Also, the generator can run the air conditioner, or “everything else,” meaning if you’re sliding out the slides, making coffee, running the microwave, or anything else, if you don’t turn off the A/C, you’ll kick the breaker.

On day one we stopped in Amarillo after four hours of driving. Boy, were we glad to get away from people!

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This morning I learned that campers like to talk to other campers. Next to us were Fred and Millie, a retired couple from Houston who had spent ten days at Lake Texoma. Millie saw me eating Spam and commented that her grandmother used to cut up Spam and put it in their macaroni and cheese. Fred had a good time fishing, but there sure were a lot of snakes out this time. By the way, I never asked Fred and Millie a single question — this is all information they offered up simply because I was outside at the same time they were.

Eventually most of the other campers left and we had the place to ourselves. It was nice.

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This morning we drove from Amarillo, Texas to Santa Fe, New Mexico — another four hour drive. So far we’ve spent approximately $200 on gas. The RV, aerodynamic she is not.

We’re now set up for the next couple of days. Mason can’t get the Wii to work right with the TV in the RV and the remote is dead so Susan and the kids are off to the store to buy some batteries and whatever else we’ve forgot.

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300 Keyboards

I’ve scanned in 99% of my old photographs, but every now and then I run across one that slipped through the cracks. This is one of those.

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I’ve told this story before, but right around the year 2000, a co-worker of mine and I attended a local auction for a computer store that was going out of business. At the auction there were large cardboard boxes full of computer keyboards. The opening bid was crazy — something like $20 per box. My friend Don and I chuckled at the price and stopped paying attention. The auctioneer tried restarting the auction at ten dollars per box. Then five. Then, a dollar.

When bidding got down to 50 cents per box, I decided to bid on one. No one else bid and I won (or lost, depending on your point of view). What I didn’t realize was that the auctioneer had changed the auction to a “times the money” format, meaning I had just purchased thirteen cardboard boxes full of monitors for a total of $6.50.

Without a dolly at our disposal, Don and I searched the parking lot and appropriated a shopping cart. The two of us spent the next hour carting keyboards from the store out to Don’s extended-length van. In the end there were something like 350 keyboards, although once I had tossed out all the ones with missing keys and unknown connectors, the number was closer to 300. At some point we called Susan, who arrived just in time to cram the remaining keyboards into the trunk and passenger seat of her car.

The keyboards were all relocated to my garage. They were stacked down the right hand side up against the wall. The stack was roughly four-foot tall and ran the entire length of the garage.

I sold one keyboard to a co-worker for $10, turning an instant profit. I pulled out a few heavy-duty old-school IBM keyboards from the collection, which were heavy and loud and my favorites, and used them for a few years. I tried giving keyboards away to everybody I knew. After everyone I knew was sick of hearing about or seeing keyboards, Susan and I hauled them over to my dad’s house and set them out in a giant pile for big trash pickup.

For another year or so, occasionally we would find a random key from a keyboard in the garage or in Susan’s car.