I haven’t written a “Star Wednesday” article in several months because all of my Star Wars collectibles are tucked away in a storage unit. “Out of sight, out of mind,” so to speak. Last weekend, my wife helped put together a fundraising garage sale for the Girl Scouts. While we were dropping off donations, I spied these two miniature X-Wing fighters in a bargain bin, and picked them up.

After doing a bit of research, I found that these X-Wings were released in McDonald’s Happy Meals back in 2010. There were eight toys in all: four figures (Anakin, Yoda, Darth Vader and R2-D2) and four ships (Jedi Starfighter, Republic Gunship, the Millennium Falcon, and X-Wing Fighter). Each of the character figures came with a temporary tattoo and a plastic clip to attach them to your belt loop.

As you can see, the toys I picked up mostly/kinda resemble an X-Wing fighter. These toys did not include the ship’s iconic laser cannons that normally extended from the wings, so while it doesn’t look exactly like the ones that appeared on screen, in a somewhat ironic way, it resembles many of the Kenner toys kids owned after the cannons fell off and were lost. Without those cannons and with no moving parts, there’s really nothing to break here. I do think a tiny dab of blue paint on the R2 unit would have gone a long way.

Originally each McDonald’s ship came with a small plastic key that, when inserted into the rear of the vehicle, would launch it into hyperspace. (With earth’s gravity, that equates to about four feet.)

I realize this is not the most exciting Star Wars toy in the world, but I do kind of enjoy the idea that a few angled pieces of plastic and a dash of orange is instantly recognizable as an X-Wing fighter.

I won’t be playing with this toy much. I’m not going to be rolling it around or running around the house making “pew-pew” noises while waving it through the air. What I will do, however, is set them near my computer — maybe next to my monitor, somewhere where I can see it. Even though it’s nothing more than a tiny little piece of plastic, it’s enough to remind me of my stuff, and some great movies, until I have the time and space to unpack and display everything the way it was.

By 1979, Kenner must have been panicking. Owning the toy rights to the Star Wars franchise was essentially like being able to print their own money. Kids were lining up at toy stores across the country with cash in hand, eager to purchase any and every action figure the company released. We’re not just talking Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader here. Some of the first figures released included Power Droid, a small box with legs whose only line in the movie was the noise “gonk,” and Death Star Droid, a silver robot who had no dialog at all.

And while it seemed a lot of obscure characters could be mined from the film and turned into action figures, there weren’t as many ships. There were X-Wings and TIE Fighters, Luke’s Landspeeder and Han’s Millennium Falcon… but what after that?

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when someone at Kenner suggestioned, “we’ll just come up with our own!” The outcome of that meeting was the Imperial Troop Transporter, later known as the Imperial Cruiser.

Because the Imperial Troop Transporter did not appear on screen in Star Wars, Kenner included a brief comic book in the box explaining to kids what the vehicle was, and how it fit into the Star Wars universe. Apparently not all Stormtroopers wandering around Tatooine were riding on the backs of dinosaur-like Dewbacks. Some of the imperial troops were being transported in… well, an Imperial Troop Transporter.

As the name suggests, the vehicle’s primary function is to move figures around. The front of the vehicle has two suicide doors (one per side) with a cool detailed console between the two front seats. Down the sides of the vehicle are a total of six “buckets” designed to carry action figures. The buckets are a little narrow, which means older vintage figures (like the original Stormtrooper) fit better than some of the later figures that featured a wider stance.

Electronically, the Imperial Troop Transporter was Kenner’s most advanced toy at the time. The top of the toy featured six red buttons, each of which played a sound when pressed. Inside the vehicle was a tiny record player, spun by a tiny motor and powered by a single battery. Sand from sandboxes across America that kids used to simulate the desert planet this vehicle came from was not kind to the sound mechanism, and most of these have failed over time (although it is possible to restore them with a bit of work).

The rear of the transport contained a black panel that also flipped open. Originally, there were two black “immobilization units” that could be placed over the heads of prisoners being transported. Without those, a couple of smaller figures (or one, uncomfortably folded up) could also fit in the rear compartment.

A couple of years after the release of the Imperial Troop Transporter, Kenner made some cost-saving to the toy by removing all the electronics and rebranding it as the Imperial Cruiser. Some of the decals (most noticeable the ones on the front doors) were changed and the red buttons were removed, but other than that, the vehicle looks essentially the same.

Although the Imperial Troop Transporter wasn’t one of Kenner’s most popular Star Wars vehicles, somehow over the years, I’ve ended up with three of them. One is the boxed transport I posted above. The second is this beater, which I’ve been using as a pen holder for the past fifteen years.

The third one, the one I leave out on display and the one that I used for the photographs above, is the one I got when I was a little kid, after I already owned an X-Wing and a TIE Fighter, Luke’s Landspeeder and Han’s Millennium Falcon. I didn’t mind at all that the Imperial Troop Transporter didn’t actually appear in the films. In fact, it was the opposite — it showed kids like me that there was an entire world that took place off screen, and sent our imaginations soaring.

Star Wars is just about the last movie people should associate with Father’s Day. Young Anakin Skywalker didn’t even have a father (unless you count midichlorians). In Revenge of the Sith, Anakin attacked and mortally wounded his pregnant wife, Padme. Later, as Darth Vader, he attempted to kill his children (Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa) on multiple occasions. Leia’s son, Ben Solo (aka Kylo Ren), murdered his own father, Han Solo, in cold blood.

Which makes this hand-painted sign from my daughter so much more enjoyable.

The least interesting items in my Star Wars collection are the things without stories or memories. The random action figures and toys without pedigrees are just taking up space in my room at this point. It’s the action figures worn from play, the childhood records scratched from listening to them over and over, and the toy catalogs with dog-eared corners from flipping through them hundreds of times while wishing and dreaming that have the most value to me now.

A couple of years ago, Morgan, now twelve years old, commandeered the old dining room in the back of the house and turned it into her personal art studio. I believe this was painted there. I don’t know if the sign’s actual design is original or not — sometimes the kids duplicate things they see online — but I haven’t seen another one like it. Although it’s a little difficult to see on the black background, there are two lightsabers to the left of Vader’s riding helmet.

I think what makes this sign more special to me than anything is that Morgan isn’t a big fan of Star Wars. I recently quizzed her about the films and while she can rattle off most of the major plot points, she can’t recall watching any of the classic films (either the original trilogy or the prequels) from beginning to end. The kids “like” Star Wars, but it wasn’t the genre-defining event that it was for a lot of people my age.

But the fact that she painted something Star Wars-related for me, knowing that she doesn’t love it and that I do, makes it a pretty good gift, and a permanent addition to the collection.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe I didn’t own every single Star Wars toy produced by Kenner as a kid. I suppose it had to do with the finite number of birthdays and Christmases that fell between 1978 and 1985. Truth be told, as early as 1983 I was already beginning to lose interest in the Kenner toys, which narrows that window even further.

The AT-ST, which goes by several names, is one of those vintage toys I didn’t own. AT-ST stands for All Terrain Scout Transport, but the original box identified it a Scout Walker. Colloquially, most people know the two-legged vehicle as a “chicken walker.” The AT-ST made its debut in The Empire Strikes Back during the Battle of Hoth, and was featured much more prominently in Return of the Jedi during the Battle of Endor against the Ewoks.

Despite all that talk about being armored, Ewoks — the teddy bears of the Star Wars universe — had no difficulty taking out multiple AT-STs. In Jedi, one is tripped by a stream of fallen trees, while another one gets its armored head smashed in by a couple of logs. A third one explodes when it is shot by a fourth that has been commandeered by Chewbacca and a couple of Ewoks. It’s a little hard to take the AT-ST seriously when an army of Care Bears are able to take them out of commission so quickly.

Kenner’s Scout Walker, originally released with Empire Strikes Back packaging in 1982 and re-branded as a Return of the Jedi toy in 1983, doesn’t hold up much better. In an attempt to make the toy more interactive, Kenner added a unique walking-mechanism to the toy. A button on the back of the walker actually makes the legs move up and down. Through normal play over time, the legs loosen to the point where getting the metal chicken to stand on its own becomes increasingly difficult. Even with the small tab on the rear of the unit slid into the “stand” position, the walker leans as if it has downed one too many mugs of space ale in the cantina.

Like most vintage Kenner vehicles, the AT-ST is off in regards to scale. In the films, the AT-ST stood 30′ tall. Kenner’s version is 11″ tall. If a Luke action figure is 3 3/4″ tall and Mark Mark Hamill is 5’9″, that would make this one just over 16′ tall, or about half of what it should be. Regardless, it doesn’t look terribly off when standing next to vintage action figures. While the AT-ST in the film has enough room for a pilot and co-pilot, this scaled down version only has enough room for one figure. The small cut out windows on the side of the cockpit are a nice touch.

For anyone looking to pick up a vintage AT-ST, there are lots of things to look for. Mounted to the head are four guns — one under the chin, one on top, and one on each side — all of which easily disconnect and can become lost. There’s also a two part hatch on top that tends to get lost. Ordering any of these missing parts through eBay can cost you close to the cost of a complete AT-ST toy, so if having a 100% complete toy is important to you, check thoroughly before purchasing. Finally, you’ll want to check those legs and make sure the walker has enough stamina left to stand on its own accord.

The Scout Walker looks great when displayed next to its bigger brother, the four-legged AT-AT, and goes well with any of the Hoth or Endor line of toys. I’m glad I was able to find this one and add it to the collection.

About a month ago, I found myself wandering through what remained of my local Toys R Us. The shelves weren’t completely bare, but I certainly wasn’t the first middle-aged nerd to show up in hopes of getting a good bargain. I told my wife I was only there to look, but when I ran across this thing… “look,” I said as it jumped right into my cart!

Speeder Bikes, ridden by Imperial Biker Scouts, have always been my favorite vehicles from the Star Wars universe. They’re essentially hovering motorcycles with jet engines — what’s not to like? If (somehow) you haven’t seen Return of the Jedi or aren’t sure what a speeder bike is, here you go:

I’ve already covered my LEGO Biker Scouts on a previous Star Wednesday, and last year I wrote a post discussing all the Biker Scouts and Speeder Bikes I own, which looked like this at the time:

All of these speeder bikes have one thing in common: they can’t fly. They require the imagination of a child (or *cough* middle-aged-man *cough*) to make them go.

Now, I have one that flies.

The Remote Controlled Speeder Bike Drone by Air Hogs looks slightly different than all my other speeder bikes. The bike’s main body along with the Biker Scout seated on top look familiar, but what’s different are those four plastic fans protruding from the corners in the shape of an X, the telltale sign of a drone.

Despite the bike’s solid looks, the majority of the body (and rider) are actually lightweight foam with plastic coverings added. In the film, bikers raced through the forest of Endor (California’s Redwood National Park) at over a hundred miles per hour, dodging gigantic trees and Rebellion laser blasts. In reality, this vehicle might not survive a collision with a chain link fence at a moderate clip. Soldiers, you’ve been warned.

The back of the box mentions one of the drone’s most interesting features: Height-Lock. Because drones have x, y, and z-axes to control and human beings only have two thumbs, some drones, depending on their remote control, come with a steep learning curve. Height-Lock “locks” the z-axis (the drone’s height from the ground) by using small ultrasonic speakers. The system’s not perfect, but over a hard surface like a driveway or a sidewalk, it’s good enough and will allow you to focus on the other two axes — speed and steering.

So, full confession time — I haven’t opened mine yet, but I’m planning to. This drone is big enough that it’ll be more fun to fly outside, but at only two pounds, even a medium wind gust would be enough to overthrow the Empire. When the conditions are right, I do plan to take it out on its maiden voyage. Until then, here’s a video someone else uploaded to YouTube of their own drone flying. I can’t wait to try mine!

Kenner was truly a marketing genius, realizing early on that kids buying action figures would also need things to hold, store, and transport action figures. In the late 70s and early 80s, Kenner made several different types and styles of carrying cases for kids. The earliest cases were essentially little vinyl briefcases that held two dozen action figures. Then there were those large plastic sculpted busts of Darth Vader and C-3P0 that opened up and held even more figures. Kenner made lots of different storage cases, some more successful than others. One of the oddest ones they produced was this one, based on the bandolier strap Chewbacca wore in Star Wars.

Some of the issues with this toy are immediately obvious. The biggest one is, it only held ten action figures. I suppose that’s enough if you only used the strap to carry a few figures over to a friend’s house for an afternoon of Star Wars-ing, but even then some hard decisions would have to be made as to which figures would make the trip. Keep in mind that every other Kenner carrying case held between 20 and 40 figures.

Another problem with the Chewbacca Bandolier Strap is that the figures are held in place by foam. It looks like it worked in the pictures well enough, but no kid worth his weight in Bantha poo doo would have trusted his most valuable figures to stay put in that strap. Imagine riding your bike with this bandolier strap fully populated, only to discover half the figures had fallen out by the time you reached your pal’s house!

And, about that foam — over time, it has disintegrated. Kenner used foam on several of their playsets (bits of foam were used to simulate trash in their Death Star toy and quicksand in the Dagobah playset) and it just didn’t last. In their defense, I doubt very much Kenner expected people to still have these toys 40 years later and never intended for the foam to last this long. On almost every one of these Chewbacca Bandolier Straps, the foam has either completely disappeared, or become so brittle that it turns into a black, gritty dust upon touch.

I didn’t own one of these in the 1980s. By the time the Chewbacca Bandolier Strap was released I already had one of the vinyl carrying cases (which held 24 figures), a Darth Vader case (which held 31 figures), and a Rebel Troop Transport (which held 24 figures). And while the kid on the box looks really happy standing around wearing that thing, in my world it would have screamed “here’s a nerd’s ass that could use some kicking.” No thanks.

Kenner marketed the Chewbacca Bandolier Strap as both a carrying case and a play toy for kids, and at only $4.91 it was probably a good deal, but it never really resonated with me. It held fewer figures than any other carrying case released and didn’t protect your figures at all. And as far as play toys go… no offense to Wookies, but I can’t imagine a lot of kids clamoring to be Chewbacca.